A different sort of anniversary

It's been a week since we laid baby Jonah to rest. It seems like death is marked by all kinds of anniversaries. I'm not sure why, but I find them comforting. It is nice to put order into our lives for one thing. For another, it is a nice way to keep the memories alive, by finding a specific place for them.

I have not gone to visit the gravesite, but I want to. I guess I just need to plan it, so it will happen. Dawn says the flowers from the top of the casket still look lovely.

My friend Pam called tonight, just to talk about Jonah and what his life - and death - had meant to me and to all of us. It was comforting to go over his life - and death - with her. Every time I speak with someone about Jonah, I feel a little more "settled," if that is the right word.

Thanks to all who still want to listen.

Some thoughts

Dawn commented after dinner tonight that today marked the point where Jonah has been gone as long as he was here! Some days it seems like yesterday - other days it seems long ago.

Life goes on - the kids are excited about Halloween. Marjorie fixed a feast today - since she's leaving on Tuesday. Harry will be honored as Officer of the Year at a dinner on Thursday night. Eve has a competition on Saturday morning at Citrus College.

But we remember. Harry made a lovely slide show, accompanied by the Dixie Chicks singing Lullaby. Dawn and Harry will go select a marker for Jonah's grave. It will be nice to go and visit - it's a lovely spot.

Many of the lovely floral arrangements have withered. There are some lovely plants though, that we continue to enjoy.

Always there will be spot in my heart that only Jonah can fill. I will have to be content with the memories. And the anticipation for the reunion we will one day enjoy.

Remembrances

Throughout the days of little Jonah's life, there were many expressions of love and remembrance. Flowers, cards, calls, food, treats. Leslie sent this lovely bouquet - all the bright blues brought smiles to us all.

The group at SMCNS brought over a lovely bush that when it blooms attracts Monarch butterflies!! What a lovely thought - bright orange Monarchs reminding us about the brief life of this sweet boy.

The snow white doves at the gravesite were a nice touch - and the children especially loved them.

The "Clifton family" planted a tree in Jonah's honor through The Tree People, a group Dawn was very familiar with, so she was especially pleased.

I have learned from this experience that every expression of love and condolence is appreciated and treasured. I have often sent cards and flowers and food. Now I think I may do it a little more deliberately - knowing that it truly matters to so many.

I seem to see many things differently these days. That may be a good thing too.

Moms and other great women I know!

There has been a lot of focus these past weeks on Harry and Dawn and their excellent, loving care of Baby Jonah. Others have referred to their wonderful family in general, and that is all true. But this one photo made me think of what a great Mom Dawn is. She is truly devoted and dedicated to her children. She tries to anticipate their needs and meet them. She is meticulous about their physical care and grooming. She sits down and plays with them, thus teaching them how to entertain themselves - which they all do really well.

For the last two weeks she was focused pretty much on Jonah's care - as well she should have been. But she was always aware of each of her children and their particular needs. She was quick to help the rest of us know what we could do for them. And she was quick to reassure them and answer all of their questions. The way they are processing everything is reassuring to the rest of us. She and Harry both prepared them well for this experience in their lives.

I know lots of great moms, and I could make a list that would require a new website, but right now I want to let Dawn know that we are so grateful that she is part of our family. The best thing Harry ever did was find Dawn!!

White Doves and Darling Children

At the funeral service today for Jonah, Harry and Dawn had arranged for white doves to be released. The children each had a turn to let one go, and then the others - about 20 of them - were released. They flew off, circled back, and then headed home.

I know the guy makes money doing this. And maybe it seems contrived or commercial to some. But frankly, it was touching to see these lovely pure white birds fly off. When the first one flew off, I thought of Jonah's spirit, flying off to heaven. I know he is already there, residing once again with our Father in Heaven, but it was comforting to think about what all that means.

And I love this photo of these sweet children, who have been through so much, finding a moment of pleasure and fun in the midst of a somewhat solemn occasion.

Saying Good-bye to Baby Jonah

The last two weeks have been a roller-coaster of emotions and feelings. When baby Jonah's birth was imminent, we were afraid that we might not get to hold him or bless him if he did not live long enough. The anxiety as we waited in the waiting room was gut-wrenching.

But as we walked quickly down the hall to the delivery room, we heard the blessed cries of a newborn - and our elation seemed to know no bounds.

The hours and days following were filled with unanswered - and answered questions. Yes, you can take him home. Yes, you will have Hospice there to assist. Yes, Phoebe, Eliza, and Hannah will be able to come and hold him and kiss him.

But how long will this go on? How many times can he stop breathing before he can't go on? How long will his strong heart keep beating?

The questions are moot at this point. But the wonderful memories - even the sad memories - will always be with us - teaching us, reminding us, encouraging us.

As a parent, it was most difficult for me to see our son and his sweet wife suffer as they lovingly devoted every waking hour - giving up many sleeping hours to do so - to their small son. It was a testimony to the depth of love and devotion that we are able to summon up when called upon to do so.

Little Jonah acquitted himself admirably. He came to earth to achieve a body. He persevered. He endured. And then his mission was completed.

He returned and reported - and went on to his next assignment. His strong, sweet spirit still lingers here though - and we are assured that he knows of that love we could only shower on him for a brief time.

And we will share that love with others as a symbol of our remembering.

A little taste of autumn today -

It's a well-known fact that we don't really have seasons here - at least not seasons the way the rest of the world knows them. But we do have changes in weather - changes that excite us because we can wear a sweater or some other "toasty" item that doesn't see much usage!

Today was such a day. It rained most of the day. Not hard or torrential, but gentle, steady, and refreshing. Just what we needed.

And I wore a wool skirt and a sweater!! (Shall I tell you that I wore sandals too? And my feet weren't cold either!!)

Another "good read" you might want to add to your list!

My book group is reading this story for October. A friend recommended it - said, "I got it at the grocery store!"

It's the story of a young midwife who wants to become a surgeon - and no medical school will admit her - because she is woman. So she goes to Washington, D.C. and begins nursing in the hospitals that have been set up there at the beginning of the Civil War. The story mainly focuses on the capital city - and I had not realized how involved D.C. and Northern Virginia were in the initial stages of the war.

The plot has some weak elements, and some of the characterizations are inadequately sketched, but overall it's a good read - let me know what you think!

"A rose by any other name. . ."

Driving into Mom's driveway tonight, Harry and I both commented on the vast array of rose bushes that greeted us. I should have snapped a photo. The bushes are full of blooms - if there were deer in her neighborhood, they would all think they'd died and gone to heaven!

So I picked a bouquet for the dinner table. I love flowers - and keep trying to grow them in my yard, but we have pretty deficient soil.

I'm not giving up though - there were never flowers when I was growing up there.

So there is hope!!

I love the Women's Broadcast!!

Let me just say that I love the annual Women's Broadcast. I especially love Elder Uchtdorf. He always says something that "speaks to me!!"

And Sister Beck - seems to have some Elder Maxwell influence going on there - "bleach the bones of faith" and "predatory and provocative influence of the adversary" come to mind!!

And our stake has a dinner beforehand - always a hit with me!!

What I miss about Utah -

I lived in Utah for almost 17 years - and had to be dragged kicking and screaming back to California - 32 years ago now!!

But I do miss autumn. In California, autumn seems to mean excessive heat and forest fires!!

The nip in the air, the changing leaves, the crystal blue skies - we could use some of that right now!!

The end of the day!!

When we were at Mom's last Saturday, Baby Harry said, "Take a picture of me falling down."

So I did. He thought it was pretty hilarious.

I'm glad it's so easy to entertain kids sometimes!!

People save the darnedest things!

I came across this sketch in my "stuff" as Mom calls it. My friend Laurie drew it back in 12th grade - we were bored to tears in Mr. Pitkanen's Econ class - I usually had a book hidden in my econ text to pass the time.

Laurie sketched! Click on it to see that she drew me reading Conscience of a Conservative - the one by Barry Goldwater. My politics have certainly changed over the years.

And so has my waistline!!

"When the family gets together . . '

Jesse organized a little luncheon for Grandma Helen - it was fun to see everyone who came.

Eve and I were having our Grandma's Birthday Sleepover, so I came a bit late to the party, but there was time to visit.

And take a group photo or two!!

A picture - worth how many words??

It seems like every event has everyone taking pictures. I suppose this has always been true, because there are certainly photos of past events. But it seems like everyone is always taking shots - except when you forget of course!!

After seeing all the wonderful photos on Hannah's blog, I'm feeling like I don't want to post my shots - they certainly pale in quality and interest!

But even a poor photo is better than none at all - especially once it gets old enough. I recall the group shot from Lyn's mission farewell - the one of Grandpa Clayton with all of his grandkids. It's small, grainy, and not exceptionally well-composed. But we all treasure it, because it's the only one of its kind!



But I probably will continue to take and post photos. And maybe I will improve. And maybe I will get a new camera too. But then I would need to take a class on how to use a new camera. But maybe I will do that too!

Another project for my "things to do when I retire!!"

An anniversary of sorts

48 years ago this month I headed off for BYU! This is an old BYU i.d. card.

So many things were different then - everything was done by hand - computers may have existed, but they didn't do the registration. We all pooled our money and cooked meals together in Heritage Halls. We walked everywhere we went. The Wilkinson Center (always the Y Center to me!!) did not exist. Women wore skirts - pants were not allowed. And we wore hose to school - and they weren't pantyhose either - we had girdles to hold them up!!

But I suspect some things were the same. The sense of fun and adventure and trying something new. Meeting new people. Having great experiences. Staying up late studying. Hanging out in the library. Making friends for life.

Meeting your one and only!!

Ah, trust me - time flies!!!

What brings out the worst in me!!

School started Monday. I'd been going to the campus daily for a week or so - every time I went, there seemed to be a new snag to fix. School started - and the enrollment in SPED skyrocketed - and we were inundated. My classes are at 18, 24 and 11. The 11 almost seems small!! (Traditionally my classes have been 8 to 10 or smaller.)

Those I talked to seemed to feel like I had to just buck up and carry on!! I figured I was talking to the wrong people.

Then I found the right people. They listened anyway. Said it was a problem. Said things had to change.

Our principal is new - not starting until September 12th. The VP came in today with two scenarios. One is better than the other, but both are doable.

I will let you know how it goes. Meanwhile I work on not taking my frustrations out on the kids. (My room only has 18 seats. Things get quite congested!!)

Retirement looks better every day!!

All good things come to an end!

I have had the great privilege of serving as the Arcadia Stake Relief Society President for the last 5 years. Today in Stake Conference, I was released. I had known about the release for a couple of weeks, but it became official today - and I could finally talk about it!

Here we are 5 years ago - the original presidency. First Brenda left to become the Relief Society President in her ward. Then Amy was released and became the Primary President in her ward.

Yukari was the new secretary, and Trina took over Amy's job. Elizabeth and I were the last two holdouts from the original gang of 4!!

I should have gathered them all up today for a final shot - but I was not that organized!! Suffice it to say that it has been a wonderful blessing in my life to enjoy a regular association with these women - and that is what I will miss the most.

President Magnusson once commented that when you accept a calling, you accept the notion that there will be a release. I understand that concept. I have had a few weeks to ponder, and I can report that I feel good about my efforts. I'm sure I could have done some things better, but I have no regrets. I raised my hand high to sustain the new president. The mantle has been removed, and that is as it should be.

School is starting, our house is in disarray from the recent "flooding" we experienced - and no one is sure how long it will take to get things back in shape, there are aprons to be sewn, grandchildren to host for sleepovers, letters to write, blogs to post, aging mothers to care for, and books to read.

And tomorrow is Monday!

"The wild blue yonder!!"

This is a photograph of the rings of Saturn. Dad got it through Larry Steimle. It was taken by a special camera that Larry helped design and build at JPL. I think it was involved with the Hubble telescope too.

Space is so thought-provoking. The last two years I have done a collaborative teaching assignment with the 8th grade science teacher - and we have studied chemistry, physics, and outer space. It has been a real education for me.

Just looking at the photograph sets your mind going in many directions.

If I indeed could hie to Kolob!!

Some points to ponder . . .

You may need to click on these to read them, but when we visited the Postal Museum in DC last week, I was impressed by these two very different thoughts - that were posted next to each other in a display.

The history of the United States is mostly meritorious. But the way we treated the Indians was not at all meritorious. In fact, it was downright shameful.

I think we need to ponder and understand the great wrongs that were done to the Indians - especially those done in the name of "manifest destiny."

Those who do not learn the lessons of history are bound to make serious errors - I think that's a variation on a famous quote.

But in these days of unrest and political polarization, we need to pause and think very carefully.