"You Can't Go Home Again"

Thomas Wolfe said this and he wasn't just talking about going back to the old homestead. I was remeinded of this today as I was traversing the well-worn path between the carport and the garage/office/room-in-the-garage.

I was retrieveing Cheerios or detergent or something from our erstwhile pantry/all-purpose storage room-in-the-garage, and glanced to the south and saw the empty lawn swing. I thought about how I had coveted such a swing for many years until Dawn persuaded Harry the son that it would indeed be the perfect Mother's Day/Birthday gift for me. (For those not in the know, I had talked about buying one of these for many years - Dad usually had some dismissive remark about their relative tackiness, poor construction quality, etc. The great irony here of course is that he probably goes out and uses it more than anyone!! Sort of poetic justice I suppose - but I wish I was the one out using it!!)

But I digress - in my own circumlocutious way - from my point. And the point that came to me as I saw the swing was that there had been 2 or 3 summers after I got it that I did indeed go out in the early a.m. and lie upon it and read the paper or my latest novel - or late afternoon when it was cool and breezy and maybe I grabbed a little nap - or later evening when it was dark and cool and I drifted off to sleep. I had even had a baby grandchild or two on my chest who was soothed to sleep by the motion.

But I have hardly been on it for what seems like an uncommonly long time. Summers of late have not been lazy and slow and peaceful and restful and rejuvenating. I'm not sure why the last 2 or 3 years have been so hectic - we haven't had a summer wedding since 2000.

I was reminded of my experience with Girl's Camp. I first went in 1989, when Phoebe was almsot 12. I was informed that no adults from our ward were going with our girls. I was horrified - "Oh, the Stake Leaders promised to look after them!" I was told. I was not at all at ease with such a proposal, so I got a baby sitter for the three little kids - who were 2, 4 and 6 at the time - and went to camp.

What a lot of fun it was!! I helped drive, I helped put up tents, I helped solve some inevitable conflicts, I helped at crafts, I helped at mealtimes, I took long walks around the lake, I sat in a camp chair and read, I looked at the stars at night. I wasn't in charge of anything, and I had a wonderful time.

So of course I volunteered to go the next year. It was at the beach and was fun too, but they gave me an assignment or two. Nothing excessive, but I now had a responsibility! I enjoyed it and even said yes the next year when we went to Catalina, and they asked me to be in charge of the food.

Being in charge of the food almost took all the fun out of it, so I thought about not going. But I was working in Young Women by then and really wasn't given a choice. So I promptly volunteered to be in charge of crafts, since I knew it was a much easier job than food. And even though it was a rough year with bees, excessive heat, and some nasty conflicts between an adult and some other girls and adults, I was pretty much locked in to the idea of going to camp every year.

I went to Girl's Camp every year for 15 years - until Hannah had her last year - and then didn't flinch when I told them I really couldn't go anymore. I thought I'd feel sad, but I didn't. For one thing, my calling was in R.S. by then. Hannah was away at college, and we were getting ready for Eliza's wedding. Dawn and Eve were holding down the fort here while Harry finished up at BYU, so we took care of Eve when Dawn worked. An era had passed.

And my point is - some things have a dreamy quality to them when they aren't happening any more. And some things start out being "fun" but then change as the nature of the experience changes. The first year at camp was a vacation in the true sense of the word. After that it was a job - but a fulfilling job.

I'm not sure about the lawn swing - maybe everyone else has discovered what I knew all along and so I have to fight for my right to use it at will! Or maybe that vacation is over and I need to look for another kind.

St. George was a true vacation experience - and you have to be a Terrill to truly understand that. The last time we went, it was actually a work vacation because we did Phoebe and David's invites and some other stuff. We often talk about recreating that experience - I think we need to reinvent it somewhere else though.

Meanwhile, I will pass the swing and think pleasant thoughts of lazy summer days gone by.