Women friends are the best!!

When I posted a photo of Tina,Val, and Sue Graham, my girls all responded with things like "I babysat for all of them," and "Love these women," and "80's and Monrovia East Ward!"  (This occasion today was a surprise 60th birthday party for Sue Graham - her girls pulled it off beautifully!!)

When I first moved into the Monrovia East Ward - we had been sliced off from the Monrovia Ward - I found out about a monthly birthday tradition that I participated in for many years - a very fun, lovely tradition.  

Every month we met to celebrate that month's birthdays.  We often ended up at Tina's house - her backyard backed up to the playground of Mayflower School, so it was close to where a lot of our kids were.

We each brought food.  I don't even remember if we sang Happy Birthday or not.  Sometimes there were gifts, sometimes not.  Sometimes a non-member friend came along.  Sometimes we turned them into baby showers if a baby shower was needed.  Always there was lots of love and friendship.

It was a special time in my life.  I will always have good memories of it!!

Friends are the best - value them, treasure them, keep them close.

And remember their birthdays!

Friendship!!

The Nebekers are good friends - and old friends - and we treasure our association with them.

 

Harry, Ry, and Jim Heder were college roommates - the other two men are Ry's brothers.  A wonderful comradeship.

From the first time I met Ry - at his missionary farewell that Harry asked me to attend while he was on his mission - until now, it has only been a pleasure to associate with him and his family.

Today is Ry's birthday.  Ry is quite ill, and our prayers continue daily for him and for his family.  But we want to remember the good times and the many wonderful memories we share.

Happy day to you Ry!!

The month of gratitude goes on and on - as well it should!

Today I read about the death of an old college roommate's husband.  Patti and I have stayed in touch over the years.  We have visited a time or two also.  Even so, the news was shocking and saddening.

Patti and I, along with another friend Kay, all got married in December of 1967.  Each year as our anniversary approached, I would think, "Well, Patti and John and Kay and Steve are celebrating too."

I would often think about how much fun it would be to get together for our anniversaries.  But Kay and Steve were in the Navy - Steve was a chaplain - and Patti and John lived in Northern California.  So my great idea never went anywhere.

But we did stay in touch - I am grateful for that.

And we did get in some visits over the years - I am grateful for that.

And all of us were sealed in the temple - I am especially grateful for that!

50 years - and still going strong!!

This year marks the 50th anniversary of my graduation from high school.  There is a reunion planned for tomorrow night - but I'm not going.  I'm not going for several reasons - cost, distance to name two - but mainly because when I saw the RSVP list, I realized that no one was coming that I'd even thought about once in the last 50 years!!

To explain - I graduated in January - and the class sponsoring the event is the June class after us - so they haven't really focused on the January crew.  And no one on the January crew cared enough to get something of our own together.

But 5 of my high school - and elementary and junior high friends - and I are getting together on Sunday afternoon for lunch - here at my house.

I always enjoy these women - the configurations change some each time we get together because some live out of state - but it's always fun.

I'll be sure and report and post photos!!

Happy Birthday Joy!!

Joy is the one in the middle in dark glasses.  You almost have to have lived with her - as I did for two years - to understand how ubiquitous those glasses are.  Joy wore contact lenses but was always too tired to keep them in long.  And she didn't have regular glasses - so she was always wearing her prescription sunglasses!!

(During high school, she was forever losing a contact - once in a swimming pool - and we actually found it!!)

Maybe you have to take my word for it, but this photo just captures a moment in time that was a great, happy time - one I treasure.

And I treasure the friendship we share - and want to wish her a very happy day!!

Here's to birthdays, and friendship, and late-night clowning in the dorms!!

BFF - before they had BFF's!!

Today is Marguerite's 68th birthday.  I always remember because she is one month and one day older than me.  When her birthday came, mine was not far behind!!

Marguerite and I were friends from the very start of elementary school.  At the end of junior high, she moved to Chico - I took a bus ride there - by myself - the next year.  I was 14!!  No one would let a 14 year old take such a bus ride today, that's for sure!

She came back for one of the high school years, and then returned to Chico.  She was one of my bridesmaids.  She would write or phone sporadically.  Over the years, we have not often been in contact.  But when we are, the many years of friendship come rushing back.

Once she said to me, "I could call you anytime and tell you I needed you - and you'd help me.  That's what friends are for."  She's right.

I have many good friends.  They seem to go along with different parts of my life.  Some I am still in contact with.  Some have died - and I miss them still.  Some I have no idea where they are.  But good friendship memories don't have to have a current contact!

A favorite memory of mine:  Marguerite came racing up to me one morning in 6th grade.  "I have just read the very best book in the whole world," she said.  "What book is that?" I queried.  "Mrs. Mike," she shot back.

She was right!

Happy Day Marguerite!!

The Beauty of Friendship!

Tonight was our ward Relief Society's Birthday celebration. We had a lovely dinner, and some fun activities. For starters, they had the tables set in a kind of square. Those sitting on the inside stayed put, and those on the outside rotated for each course. With each new group came a new assignment of something to do. One of them was to find as many things as possible that everyone at the table had in common - besides the obvious, as in we are all Relief Society sisters, we're all LDS, we're all women, etc.

Our group came up with 21 things we had in common - things like we'd all read GWTW, we'd all ridden a horse, we'd all worked outside the home, we all had gray hair, we all like chocolate, you get the picture. Marcie was our scribe, and she ended it with "We are all sexy ladies!!" Gotta love Marcie!

It got me thinking about friendship, and the many friends I have and have had over the years. The above photo is of me with three high school friends. In fact, I went from kindergarten through 12th grade with these women. We do go "way back!"

I had not had any contact with any of my high school friends since we'd graduated together in 1963. Twenty years later in 1983, there was a class reunion - and I went! It wasn't much to write home about, but I did connect with Carol, the girl on my right in the photo. We began to correspond and to get together for lunch. It was worth going to the reunion just to re-connect! She then organized another, smaller kind of gathering, in her back yard in the summer of 1985. It was a lot of fun, and many more came than had been at the other reunion that had been held in a country club.


(An important note here is that when I went to school, you started and stopped every semester. Every semester you changed classes and teachers. Kids started in February and September, and they graduated in January and June. I personally liked the system better, but it ended many years ago. I'm pretty sure it's not in place anywhere these days. The winter class was always smaller - mine had 90 kids in it - while the summer class was larger - maybe 300 or more. The first reunion had been for the classes of January and June of 1963 - the one Carol organized was for just the January class - probably why it was so much more fun!)

The above photo is my Young Women class from probably 1958 or 9 - probably before high school - but then our high school started with 10th grade. I have re-connected with only two of the girls in the picture - the two on the other end than the end I'm on. In fact, we are in regular contact - and neither one of them knows where the other two are. Both of the women I am in contact with went to BYU - one was even a roommate for one semester before I got married.

Before I digress any further, I want to note that whenever I re-connect with a friend from the past, I find that the intervening years don't seem to make much difference. With LDS friends we ask about kids and missions and callings. We find lots in common even beyond the church connections. With non-LDS friends, we talk about jobs and school and kids and husbands and family members. And we find that we have lots in common.

More significantly, however, we connect on a level that has to do with coming from the same generation. The same songs and movies and traditions and trends are like invisible ropes that connect us. (This is what connects us with other church members - the shared experiences and expectations.) I can even meet someone for the first time who is from my era and we connect very quickly. It's not impossible to connect with someone from another generation, but I often note that the connection I make with someone young enough to be my daughter often involves connecting with that shared time frame. Same with younger children - who are the same ages as my grandchildren - I find a connection related to their era - the one they share with my grandkids.

But the overriding conclusion I come to each time is that we have much more in common with one another than we have differences.

An idea that is indeed meritorious and deserves our support and consideration!!

Friday Fun In The Lunchroom

Fridays are "spirit" days at Clifton. There is a theme, and you are supposed to dress to the theme. When you do, your grade level wins spirit points. At the end of each semester, the grade level with the most spirit points gets to spend a day at Knott's Berry Farm (the kids pay their own way though - it's not in the budget any other way.) My good friend Marcie, aka Mrs. Hoopes, is a big supporter of spirit days. If it's pajama day, she will wear pajamas to school. If it's crazy hair day, she will tease and spray her hair all over the place. I, on the other hand, hardly ever pay attention to spirit wear. I don't even have a Clifton Cubs tee shirt!

But every year on "twin wear day" Marcie always suggests that we be twins. One year we both wore our hot pink sweater sets. Another year we bought matching monkey tee shirts. This week, as we were eating lunch, Marcie suggested that we be twins. I said, "Well, what shall we wear?" And then she said, "Maybe we should come as Kyle. We all have chinos don't we?" And I said, since Kyle was wearing a blue button down shirt, "I even have a blue shirt almost the same shade as Kyle's." So Marcie said, "We can be triplets!! That ought to be worth triple points!"

Fortunately we all remembered the conversation, and we all three showed up pretty close to triplets, don't you agree?? Kyle said he even had to get up early and iron his shirt!!

Marcie teaches all 8th graders. Kyle teaches 7th and 8th. I teach 6th, 7th, and 8th.

I'm not sure who got the points!

"Each life that touches ours for good"

It seems like I've used that title before - probably because I've reached that stage in life where I'm not looking for wedding or baby announcements so much anymore but rather am seeing more in the way of obituary notices!! Not all of them are people my age - some older - some younger. I think I am just more aware of my mortality - of everyone's mortality. I certainly didn't used to think of it so often!

Kaye with Bonnie Kinch at a ward Relief Society Christmas dinner in 1988.

And though Kaye was older than me - but not by much - and even though she had been in poor health for many years, I was certainly surprised by her death.

Dad with Bishop Burdette and Ken Zerbel in 1988 - maybe a farewell for Bishop Monson??

The Burdette family was a part of our lives - and always will be, even though they are far away. It may sound cliche, but we do need to appreciate the people in our lives now.

Kaye was a gracious and lovely woman. She liked to make things nice, to make them special. Sometimes I would chafe when she tried to micromanage an assignment she'd given me. One time I got upset with her and told her that if she wanted it done her way, she'd have to do it herself - if I did it, I was going to do it my way.

She expressed her willingness to let me do it "my way." She said she'd often found that people were seeking direction, so she'd gotten into the habit of giving it. I felt bad for getting upset with her. But she wasn't upset with me.

Now that is graciousness!

Forever Friends!

I have a good friend named MarDel. Her dad's name was Delmar - hence her name. I always thought that was kind of cool. Her sister is Moyne - you probably remember her more than MarDel, because MarDel only lived with me for one semester during our junior year and then went back to UCLA. She didn't like BYU. (And Moyne lived with Alice and me for a year.)

Alice was Moyne's age and MarDel is exactly one month older than me, so we spent time together at church and at Girl's Camp. There were some good times.

She was Joy's friend too - hence we were both attendants at her wedding. It looks like both of us are not too excited about the event. Maybe it's the headpieces we had to wear!!

Anyway, MarDel and I maintain a correspondence of sorts. There will be a flurry of emails or letters back in the old days - and then silence for months. But we seem to pick up where we left off every time - my definition of true friendship!

Her latest - "I broke my wrist playing tennis so now they are making me take Boniva . . . just me and Sally Fields. So I've taken up raquetball. Zeno's in his 4th bishopric. I told him to get it right this time." (Zeno is her husband - he's from Cache County - where else would you find the name Zeno? He is very cool too.)

I have always enjoyed MarDel's dry wit. So when her card came last week, it brought a smile to my face. And made me wish all my friends lived on my street!!

I think I will start another flurry of emails.

After the Women's Conference is over!

Friendship

I am having dinner tonight with my good friend Norma. Norma is the friend I met 30 years ago who said, after I'd known her for a couple of years, "You are the first Mormon I met that I liked." Needless to say, I was glad I'd managed to make the cut!

Norma and I at her daughter Jill's wedding - 2008 I think.

We both had 3 year old daughters when we met. We were both from the same era. We had both been raised in Southern California. And we were both Parent/Teachers at SMCNS. The similarities ended there, however.

Along with the teacher in the group where we parent taught, and another Parent/Teacher, we started meeting monthly for lunch. This didn't last long, but Norma and I kept on getting together. Some years the meetings were just quarterly. And often we included our husbands - Harry and Larry get along famously.

And of course, for a few years, our girls played together until they went into the public schools - where new friends and activities soon took over. But Phoebe and Jill still consider themselves friends I think, even if they don't stay in touch.

What Norma didn't like about Mormons was, "They don't support the ERA, and they have too many kids!" In spite of her stance, she continued to stay in touch as I had 3 more children. And she seemed genuinely happy for us too. She remembers all the details about our kids that I have shared with her. In fact, she remembers things I have told her about my siblings too.

After a few years, Norma went back to school - she had been a social worker and a former Peace Corps worker - and got a special education teaching credential. A few years later, I followed suit. In fact, during the time I was subbing, I did a long-term sub assignment for her when she had hip surgery.

There was a period when we were both in Weight Watchers too - we'd go weigh in and then go to dinner together!

When I gravitated to Special Education also, we found we had lots to talk about - and our meetings were fun and therapeutic!!

And now Norma is going to retire. I'm happy for her. And I'm sure she will still have lots to talk about with me. But I think I might be a bit envious too.

Although according to her, she won't be in a position to travel lots or do exciting things because of budget issues.

Maybe she will get some grandkids though - and we can talk about that too!!

And we'll always have Sierra Madre!!

14 years ago this month!!

14 years ago this month I was sustained as the Young Women President. This is not a photo of my presidency, but it does include 2 of them - at least at one point. I had the calling for 4 years and went through a number of counselors and secretaries!!

I learned a lot from this calling. But much of it I only learned in retrospect. Harry was the bishop at the time, and he tried to clue me in on some things, but I wasn't very receptive.

He mostly tried to get me to delegate more. I did lots of things myself. Not because no one would help - I just would do things myself. Kacy and Tricia in the photo above were especially valuable to me because they would do lots by themselves - they wouldn't wait to see if I would do it first!!

I learned though - I'm the delegating queen now. I'm not sure why I finally got smart - maybe I got old and tired and said "Here, you do it!"

Mostly I've gotten some great counselors in my current and recently past callings - and they pretty much won't let me do it all.

It's a lesson that has many implications - no one can do it all. And no one should. Meetings should be held, assignments should be made, everyone should do their part.

Even in families and jobs and neighborhoods and clubs and book groups.

I'm better at this now - and it's my resolve to "Keep up the good work!"

A Photo of My Friend Marion

I called a friend from Centerville to find out more about Marion, and she forwarded a photo she had of her and her husband Earl, who died a few years ago.

It was nice to visit with her and catch up on news in Centerville. Turns out most of my old friends are alive and kicking - so my New Year's resolutions are going to center on getting my past correspondence in order - and catching up with some friends from the past - those not on Facebook!

I must be growing old!!

"Each life that touches ours for good"

During the time that we lived in Centerville, Utah, we spent a year and a half renting a home while a couple served a mission. It was fun to live in a "real" house in a "real" neighborhood. The house was on a corner, and the back yards of 3 of the houses sort of all merged together. One of the houses that merged with our yard belonged to the Coleman family. The Colemans had a daughter, Renee, who was Bonny's age. She was their youngest daughter, while Bonny of course was our oldest.

I'm not sure of the occasion for this photo - I don't know if it was a homegrown craft project, something they did in Primary (which was held during the week back then), or some kind of school project. But it is a photo of Renee and Bonny in our backyard - and if you look through the trees, you are looking at the Coleman's backyard.

This was the closest I could come to a picture of Marion, Renee's mother and my good friend. Marion would walk through the yards - or I would walk through the yards - and we would talk, share recipes, produce, sewing tips, or solve the world's problems! Marion knew everyone in our ward and pretty much understood them too. She was always there to fill me in on "background" so that I could understand the ward and our neighborhood better. She was a good friend, and when we moved away in 1979, I truly missed her.

She was good about writing letters though, so we corresponded for several years. I remember writing her a letter one night soon after we had moved to Monrovia. I had put bread in the oven to rise, and then I had forgotten about it!! As I lay in bed, I remembered the bowl of bread dough I had put in the oven that afternoon. I got out of bed and ran to the kitchen to see what was happening! (Marion had taught me to put the bread in the over to rise, and then to put a jelly roll pan on the bottom shelf and then fill it with boiling water. The bread always rose beautifully that way - a technique I still use - and share with whomever is interested!)

The bread had spread all over the oven, but it came back together rather nicely as I scooped it up. I kneaded it a few times, plunked it back in the bowl and put it in the oven to rise once more. After it rose - which it did quickly - I shaped it into loaves and let it rise once more - then I baked it. Of course this took time, so to keep myself awake, I wrote a letter to Marion detailing my evening!! She wrote me back and told me that her Swedish grandmother always did her bread that way - letting it rise all day and then knocking it down and baking it whenever she had the time or inclination!!

That was the quintessential Marion - and I smiled as I read her reply. We exchanged letters for several years, and Marion kept me updated on all the news in Centerville. When we went to Utah, we'd stop in Centerville to go to church, and I'd see Marion. After about 15 years, it pretty much got to just letters at Christmas time. I suspect that she was computer savvy, but I never did get into the habit of emailing her. For a few years I didn't hear from her - and we didn't get back to Centerville very often - so I occasionally thought of her and wondered how she was. Then a Christmas card would come with all kinds of updates.

Last year I didn't receive a card - and then this year I received a card from her son, informing me that Marion had died on August 16, 2009, after a courageous battle with cancer.

I am so sad that I didn't know about this. I am so sad that I didn't have a chance to send her a final letter, letting her know how much I valued our experiences together. Her son told me that his mother had valued her friendship with me, and that is some comfort.

I thought of the hymn, Each Life That Touches Ours For Good. And whenever we sing it now, I will think of Marion.

And I am going to take pictures of my friends. I can see Marion in my mind quite clearly. But I wish I had a picture of her.

I'm a pretty good correspondent. But I'm not a perfect one. Lives change. We all change. Contact sometimes goes by the wayside.

I'm sorry that this correspondence went by the wayside at the end.

But I will always treasure the friendship I enjoyed with Marion.

Day Two - Daily Gratitude Journal -

Today I am thinking about how grateful I am for the wonderful friendships in my life. If I tried to do a post on my friends, it would get pretty long!!

What I love about our friends is that time and distance have not diminished the experience - they have only enhanced it. It is good to have daily friends, ward friends, work friends, school friends, parents of our kids' friends' friends, college friends, Utah friends, from the past friends, in-law friends - what a wonderful world of friends we have!!

Hug a friend today - better yet, send them a card!! (I know you are thinking email or Facebooking them, but a card, now that says you care!)