Mary and Martha

So, I'm not too sure I can express this somewhat complex theme that has been going around in my brain all day, but I am going to try.

As you may - or may not - know, my mom had surgery on Monday to have her left eye removed, due to ocular melanoma. The surgery, if you can believe it, is outpatient. She came through fine, and medically she is continuing to do well. She is little "down" however, and we can all understand that too. But it isn't the Mom I'm used to seeing, so it's a little sad. And a little scary too.

We try to remind ourselves that it's only been a few days. That it is a normal kind of grieving and getting used to kind of process. Mom is a strong woman who has pretty much just dealt with everything that came her way. And she pretty much expected us to do the same! And like Harry said, "I'm pretty sure I'd be feeling down if it was me - at any age!"

Christmas just ended - you knew that - but it was a crazy, busy, crowded holiday. Lots of people came and stayed - we even had an RV in the driveway to handle the overflow. Most nights we were feeding a crowd. The dishwasher died on Christmas morning. The washer and dryer were running 24/7. We had the Terrill Family Party, Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve, and all the other nights in between. Our tree is still not down - but not to worry - we aren't turning on the lights! The last houseguest left today - Eliza and her kids were here this week - and now it's a little too quiet for my blood! And I miss my kids coming in to say goodnight too!

But in spite of my great love for our kids and grandkids, I'm something of a neat-freak, and I tend to follow after people and pick up toys, books, mail, dishes, food - whatever has been set down - and then I put it away somewhere. It's true - I'm renowned for this quality. It's a quality not appreciated by very many either. Phoebe would say, "I could find it if you'd leave it where I put it!"

I honestly try to not do it. I think, "When everyone's gone, Barbara, you are going to miss them. Just let it be. Sit down and enjoy everyone." I'm not real successful in that mode however. I'm pretty sure I miss out on some good moments because of this attitude of mine. Sometimes I just get tired and sit down. And the world doesn't stop or anything!! Why can't I learn??

Then on Sunday, in his Gospel Doctrine lesson, Harry the son asked me to share my favorite story from the New Testament. I immediately thought of Luke 10:38-42. And I thought that I was Martha - that I was "cumbered about much serving." And I thought that I'd rather be like Mary, and "have chosen that good part."

All these ideas have been tumbling around in my head today. I know the connection - but I'm not sure I've explained it very well. We are all concerned about my mom. We are all a little worried about the long-range effects of her surgery and cancer. We are all thinking of her - and we are thinking about how all this effects us. In the grand scheme of things, the important things are not things. And they are not tidy houses. And they are not beautifully spread meals or gaily wrapped gifts or new pajamas. They are not homemade treats or crafty surprises.

What matters is love and caring and concern and faith and hope.

All qualities my mother has demonstrated for us.

And her name is Mary.

They Made Me a Mother!!

Everyone has heard the story about Mother's Day 1971 - when I was somewhat saddened by the fact that Bonny didn't give me anything for Mother's Day!! (Bonny was 7 months old!!)


When I queried Dad, his response was, "Well, you aren't my mother." Over the years, this story has taken on a little of the quality of "outraged" myth. Let me set the record straight - in case there are some concerns. Dad is not ungenerous or unthoughtful. He does, however, have his very own way of looking at things. And his way of looking at things is that gifts are given by individuals who want to give those gifts. I'm not sure how things worked out when he was a kid, but I suspect that his dad didn't take him shopping or give Helen gifts signed "love Harry Jr." Probably as soon as he was able to do something about it himself, he gave gifts to his mom on Mother's Day. (And certainly over the years he has given me a lot of lovely gifts for many different occasions.)

This approach to life is a constant with him. When our kids were old enough for sports and Scouts, his approach was, "Well, if he really wants to do it, he'll make sure it happens. And if he doesn't make it happen, he probably doesn't want to really do it." I, on the other hand, came from a family where you were sometimes compelled to do things like Scouting. And I'm not sure being "compelled" is all bad either. I'm pretty sure that neither Harry nor Noah would have gotten their Eagle Scout rank without my urging. And frankly, I enjoyed working with them on the goal. I'm not sure there were too many other activities that were so far-reaching that I could have done with them.

But Dad is also a quick learner. On Mother's Day of 1972, Bonny "gave" me my first Henckel knife - one I still have and use all the time. And the next year, in 1973, Bonny and Harry Francis "gave" me my treasured copy of Mastering the Art of French Cooking.


So on this Mother's Day 2010, let me say that I wouldn't be a mother without Dad. Or without our great kids. The gifts and cards and calls over the years are treasured memories. But the best gift of all has been your well-lived lives. (Even if some of you don't wear your retainers anymore!!)

And Dad gave me a Mother's Day bouquet today - one he'd ordered ahead of time from Margit Holokai.