Friendship

I am having dinner tonight with my good friend Norma. Norma is the friend I met 30 years ago who said, after I'd known her for a couple of years, "You are the first Mormon I met that I liked." Needless to say, I was glad I'd managed to make the cut!

Norma and I at her daughter Jill's wedding - 2008 I think.

We both had 3 year old daughters when we met. We were both from the same era. We had both been raised in Southern California. And we were both Parent/Teachers at SMCNS. The similarities ended there, however.

Along with the teacher in the group where we parent taught, and another Parent/Teacher, we started meeting monthly for lunch. This didn't last long, but Norma and I kept on getting together. Some years the meetings were just quarterly. And often we included our husbands - Harry and Larry get along famously.

And of course, for a few years, our girls played together until they went into the public schools - where new friends and activities soon took over. But Phoebe and Jill still consider themselves friends I think, even if they don't stay in touch.

What Norma didn't like about Mormons was, "They don't support the ERA, and they have too many kids!" In spite of her stance, she continued to stay in touch as I had 3 more children. And she seemed genuinely happy for us too. She remembers all the details about our kids that I have shared with her. In fact, she remembers things I have told her about my siblings too.

After a few years, Norma went back to school - she had been a social worker and a former Peace Corps worker - and got a special education teaching credential. A few years later, I followed suit. In fact, during the time I was subbing, I did a long-term sub assignment for her when she had hip surgery.

There was a period when we were both in Weight Watchers too - we'd go weigh in and then go to dinner together!

When I gravitated to Special Education also, we found we had lots to talk about - and our meetings were fun and therapeutic!!

And now Norma is going to retire. I'm happy for her. And I'm sure she will still have lots to talk about with me. But I think I might be a bit envious too.

Although according to her, she won't be in a position to travel lots or do exciting things because of budget issues.

Maybe she will get some grandkids though - and we can talk about that too!!

And we'll always have Sierra Madre!!

Be good to your feet and they'll be good to you!

I have learned that if your feet hurt, everything else goes badly. You just can't have sore feet and feel successful!!

And feet are funny things - they do so much for us - but they can also sabotage our best laid plans.

I have learned this hard lesson countless times in my life. I have worn unbroken in shoes and suffered with blisters for days afterward. I have worn high heels out of sheer vanity - and been miserable. I have worn the wrong pair of shoes for whatever reason and when that happens, you can't forget that you have the wrong shoes on - they keep "calling out to you" how miserable they are.

I have issues with my feet these days - I won't bore you with the details. But I am determined to search for a solution.

That's even a resolution!

Staying in touch

When we have guests here, they often leave a message for us - especially if we are not around when they leave. I love these messages - it's like having the person there once more.

And I like to keep in touch with people too. I've always enjoyed notes and cards. And now I enjoy emails and blogs. Facebook is not my favorite, but it's better than nothing I suppose. (What I don't like about Facebook is all the stuff you have to wade through to get to the meat of the message.)

Staying in touch is rewarding - the older I get, the more I value connections.

So come on over for a visit - and leave a note on the whiteboard when you go!

1955 - a good year for needlework!

When I was a girl, the levels in Primary for girls were called Larks, Bluebirds, and Seagulls. You had certain tasks you had to accomplish at each level also.

One of them was to embroider this sampler. If it was 1955, I was 10, so I suspect this was maybe a Bluebird assignment - since Larks were 9, Bluebirds were 10, and Seagulls were 11.

I spent a summer completing it. I did lots of the work while sitting up the discarded treehouse that my brother Lyn and the neighbor boy Freddy Vergine had built. Then they built a better one and gave it over to us younger kids.

I have never been a real star at embroidery. I don't do it often now - mostly just doll faces in fact. I'm not sure why I chose those colors either. I suspect someone gave me the thread. This one is attractive by virtue of being pressed and mounted and framed - and vintage!

But the message certainly does have merit!

It's the end of January - and you know what that means!!

I am once again preparing for the annual Arcadia Stake Women's Conference. I should have my data straight, but I don't, but it's been a fixture in our stake for over 20 years. I remember attending the first one.

Bonny teaching a class at our women's conference 3 years ago??

It has gone through many variations as our stake has shrunk in size and as our demographics have changed.

This is the 5th one we have done as a presidency. And my first counselor and I are the only ones left from that first presidency. It does not seem to be as much work as it has in the past. Or maybe all the "wear you out" work gets done the night before and the day of, and I'm not there yet!

But I'm starting to get excited about it - now that I have a moment to breathe!! I'm not sure why the end of January was initially chosen as the date - it has not changed in 20+ years. Our pattern has been to meet in the summer and brainstorm ideas for a theme so that we can ask women to be the speakers and presenters. Then we meet in November with a representative from each ward and brainstorm particulars - food, decor, programs, hand-outs, set-up and clean-up. Then we don't meet again until the 2nd week in January, when we make specific assignments for food and decorations.

So far it's worked out.

Don't need any resolutions here - except maybe to try to "breathe" the day of so that I can enjoy it!

Long ago and far away - in memory anyway!!

This is a standard title for me and blog posts. This month my theme is reflecting on the year to come and thinking how I can best use it to good advantage. Doesn't seem to have much to do with remembering long ago times.

But it does. It helps me see that everything changes. And it's good that everything changes - I'm pretty sure the above pictured kiddos have no desire to have been frozen in time.

I'm thinking many things in my life need to change. I'm encouraging myself!!

I'll try to let you know how I'm doing. I haven't walked to work since I walked those 2 days the first week back. Not sure what excuse I dreamed up - I think I had to bring something to school. I mostly think I get up too late to walk.

I haven't sorted any photos either. But I have missed sending a few birthday cards!! And I haven't bought any books!!

Nestled in the forest!

Tonight at dinner, Dad said, "It will be nice to be at a point where we are grinding our own wheat and making our own bread once again."

He was referring to when we retire, when we will settle down to thrifty ways and provident living, when we will have a garden and compost our own fertilizer.

One of our goals this year is to "practice" being retired. That is, look at what we need and what we just want. Look at where our resources go and if there are better places - or fewer places - for them to go.

I went to the retirement party for one of the district employees. A number of friends who have already retired were there too. One commented that right after she retired, the mother of her beloved grandson lost custody - and her son wasn't in any shape to raise the boy - so now she and her ex-husband - who appear to be on good terms - are raising the boy. He's in 1st grade and she goes every day and volunteers for 2 hours in the classroom - to be sure he's getting a good education.

Doesn't sound to restful to me - so I'm not getting my hopes up.

I think it will be "different" to be retired - not necessarily "easier!"

Random photos

Every year I resolve to get my photos in order - and every year they are not in order!! Over the years I have tried different approaches but am never consistent, so the chaos continues.

One year - oh, maybe 15 years ago - everyone was gone for about a week. I can't remember exactly where everyone was, but some were at the Kerksieks, some were at EFY or something, and I think Noah was at Cub Day Camp - and I spread all our photos out on the dining room table for a week and picked away at getting them in order. Dad would walk by and figure out some now and then.

No one is here most of the time - I'm not sure why I don't take that approach again. My current fave excuse is to say that as soon as Dad moves the cabinets and counters from the back room office to the sewing room, I will have the facility to spread them all out and get to work once more. (I could spread them out in the back room office, but when it rains, it leaks back there - so I'm afraid to try it there.)

A better approach - which I have actually started - would be to just grab a box of photos and start sorting into the large file boxes I purchased for just such a task - when I had a moment or when the mood struck me. Once again, those boxes are in the back room office - covered with black plastic trash bags to keep them dry in case of rain. Somehow that doesn't inspire me to pull off the cover and sort a few photos whenever I have a spare moment.

So tonight I just grabbed a box and scanned the above photo in - it's Phoebe's 16th birthday party - who can name the others in the photo??

It's a start!

Do it now!

I had a roommate named Marlene, whose last name started with a C also, so we would tell people we were fraternal twins!! (Back then, everything at BYU was done alphabetically.)

We divided up the kitchen chores - we pooled our money and took turns buying groceries and fixing dinner. We also took turns doing dishes. Marlene was in the habit of sitting on a kitchen chair after dinner, when it was her night to wash dishes, and saying, "I really need to get started." She'd sit there for quite a while before she finally did get started. Usually one of us took pity and came and at least kept her company so she'd feel motivated to get going.

Marlene graduated with a teaching credential, married and had 9 children, and is now on a mission with her husband - who is not the guy in the photo by the way. It is apparent that she learned how to get motivated to get things done!

She told us once that she'd put her kids to bed and then sit on the floor in the hall and read to all of them at once. She also said that the only way to get things done was to get up and start doing them - and not worry about showering and getting dressed before you got started.

I'm sure there are many methods we all have for getting things done in a timely manner. I personally seem to need a deadline - that is almost the only thing that works for me - at least consistently.

But that doesn't mean that I'm planning to give up trying to get organized so I can get things done in a more timely manner.

You will note that I have managed to post daily this new year.

But then blogging is not the problem.

Hmmm??!!

14 years ago this month!!

14 years ago this month I was sustained as the Young Women President. This is not a photo of my presidency, but it does include 2 of them - at least at one point. I had the calling for 4 years and went through a number of counselors and secretaries!!

I learned a lot from this calling. But much of it I only learned in retrospect. Harry was the bishop at the time, and he tried to clue me in on some things, but I wasn't very receptive.

He mostly tried to get me to delegate more. I did lots of things myself. Not because no one would help - I just would do things myself. Kacy and Tricia in the photo above were especially valuable to me because they would do lots by themselves - they wouldn't wait to see if I would do it first!!

I learned though - I'm the delegating queen now. I'm not sure why I finally got smart - maybe I got old and tired and said "Here, you do it!"

Mostly I've gotten some great counselors in my current and recently past callings - and they pretty much won't let me do it all.

It's a lesson that has many implications - no one can do it all. And no one should. Meetings should be held, assignments should be made, everyone should do their part.

Even in families and jobs and neighborhoods and clubs and book groups.

I'm better at this now - and it's my resolve to "Keep up the good work!"

"Soup's on!"

We are serving soup at our upcoming Women's Conference this month. The committee opted to go with my recipe for Hamburger Soup, so I had to write up the recipe. Problem is, I don't use a recipe to make it!! So I had to make a pot today and measure what I put into it!! An interesting process to be sure!!

Baking Brownies for then Elder Terrill - BYU 1965!

It got me thinking that we do lots of things automatically, without much thought sometimes. That can be fine, when it comes to soup or salad, but it can be disastrous when it comes to other things - like friendships, family relationships, and other human interactions.

Some food for thought here!

Sisters!!

Our friend Evan is here from Pittsburg - watch for a blog post on that - but at dinner tonight he said that a study he'd read about reported that those who have sisters live longer!!

I knew it was great to have sisters!!

"I hope you dance . . "

I used to listen to country music all the time - at least all the time I was driving around in the car. I haven't listened to it for several years though. But the other day, I was driving and the song "I Hope You Dance" came on. I was impressed that I remembered the words too!

Ry and I at Wade's wedding - don't ask me what year it was!

I like the idea the song embodies - life may throw you curves, but if you get a chance to go out and have some fun, or participate in some meaningful activity you enjoy, or go somewhere new and different, by all means take the chance and go and do!!

I'm thinking I need to be more proactive about providing myself with opportunities to dance! I am often quick to say that I'm too busy, that I'd better stay home and finish the laundry, that I'll take a raincheck on that one.

For example, I saw the pictures on Hannah's blog of their day trip to Olvera Street. Actually I had a task I had to perform that day, but I'm wondering if I would have gone along even if I hadn't had the task.

When my children were younger, I'd encourage Harry to go to events with them and leave me home alone so I could catch up or rest or do any number of things that needed doing. I saw my own mother do the same thing. We often went places with my dad - fun places too - and I'm sure my mom had him take us alone so she could have some kind of break.

This isn't a bad way to divvy up the responsibility for childcare or housecare or jobcare or church callingcare. But I'm thinking you have to be careful it doesn't become a habit that keeps you from other pursuits - pursuits that just might bring you great joy.

And there's nothing quite like enjoying something that brings you joy!

Mary and Martha

So, I'm not too sure I can express this somewhat complex theme that has been going around in my brain all day, but I am going to try.

As you may - or may not - know, my mom had surgery on Monday to have her left eye removed, due to ocular melanoma. The surgery, if you can believe it, is outpatient. She came through fine, and medically she is continuing to do well. She is little "down" however, and we can all understand that too. But it isn't the Mom I'm used to seeing, so it's a little sad. And a little scary too.

We try to remind ourselves that it's only been a few days. That it is a normal kind of grieving and getting used to kind of process. Mom is a strong woman who has pretty much just dealt with everything that came her way. And she pretty much expected us to do the same! And like Harry said, "I'm pretty sure I'd be feeling down if it was me - at any age!"

Christmas just ended - you knew that - but it was a crazy, busy, crowded holiday. Lots of people came and stayed - we even had an RV in the driveway to handle the overflow. Most nights we were feeding a crowd. The dishwasher died on Christmas morning. The washer and dryer were running 24/7. We had the Terrill Family Party, Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve, and all the other nights in between. Our tree is still not down - but not to worry - we aren't turning on the lights! The last houseguest left today - Eliza and her kids were here this week - and now it's a little too quiet for my blood! And I miss my kids coming in to say goodnight too!

But in spite of my great love for our kids and grandkids, I'm something of a neat-freak, and I tend to follow after people and pick up toys, books, mail, dishes, food - whatever has been set down - and then I put it away somewhere. It's true - I'm renowned for this quality. It's a quality not appreciated by very many either. Phoebe would say, "I could find it if you'd leave it where I put it!"

I honestly try to not do it. I think, "When everyone's gone, Barbara, you are going to miss them. Just let it be. Sit down and enjoy everyone." I'm not real successful in that mode however. I'm pretty sure I miss out on some good moments because of this attitude of mine. Sometimes I just get tired and sit down. And the world doesn't stop or anything!! Why can't I learn??

Then on Sunday, in his Gospel Doctrine lesson, Harry the son asked me to share my favorite story from the New Testament. I immediately thought of Luke 10:38-42. And I thought that I was Martha - that I was "cumbered about much serving." And I thought that I'd rather be like Mary, and "have chosen that good part."

All these ideas have been tumbling around in my head today. I know the connection - but I'm not sure I've explained it very well. We are all concerned about my mom. We are all a little worried about the long-range effects of her surgery and cancer. We are all thinking of her - and we are thinking about how all this effects us. In the grand scheme of things, the important things are not things. And they are not tidy houses. And they are not beautifully spread meals or gaily wrapped gifts or new pajamas. They are not homemade treats or crafty surprises.

What matters is love and caring and concern and faith and hope.

All qualities my mother has demonstrated for us.

And her name is Mary.

"Walking Tall"

No one can ever accuse me of being an athlete! The most athletic thing I do is walk. I have walked a number of 5K races. I was in the habit of walking to work and back for many years, until I got sidelined with knee surgery 2 years ago. And I walk up and down the main hall at Clifton Middle School countless times every day.

Nowadays young women are encouraged to go out for sports. I'm not sure if I would have done that when I was younger or not. I did jump rope with a lot of skill - and enthusiasm. I could ride a bike up and down the foothills of Granada Hills when I was growing up. I was a roller skating fiend. I was hard to beat in foot races. And no one could beat me at dodgeball!

I was never a fan of P.E. Back in the day when I went to school, P.E. grades were based on skill tests. I could never hit the ball or make a basket, so even though my gym clothes were sparkling clean - and ironed - every Monday morning, and even though I got perfect scores on the written tests, I always got a C in P.E.

One year I got put in "Corrective P.E." because of my bowed legs and pronated ankles. Everyone else in there was seriously disabled and I often felt like a fraud. But I got an easy A. Of course, that was the year I had Trig, so I got a C in Trig. Straight A's always eluded me!

Since my knee surgery 2 years ago, I have not walked to work. And I haven't done any other kind of exercise on any regular kind of basis. So in the spirit of self-improvement that the new year always brings, I did walk to and from school today.

One step at a time!

"There is no frigate like a book . . ."

I love books. I love reading. I love libraries and books stores. I have spent many happy hours browsing in library stacks and bookstores.

But a few years ago, when I discovered Amazon.com and used books therein, I started buying used books. And I don't spend much time in bookstores anymore. And even though Monrovia boasts a beautiful new library, I hardly spend any time there either.

But mostly, I now have far too many books. Even though I "purge" my own shelves on a regular basis, I still have too many books. And far too many of them are second rate. Or I haven't even gotten around to reading them.

Last week I read an article in Sunset magazine about a family that has taken recycling to almost the ultimate end - among other things, they take glass jars and cloth sacks to the market and don't buy anything that comes in packages, they get compostable toothbrushes from Australia, and they don't own any books - all their books come from the library.

Well, that is too extreme for me. But it got me thinking that since my over-arching goal for the new year is to simplify my life, it might be prudent for me to get back into the library habit. Or get back into the habit of borrowing books from other people. Or if I'm going to buy books, buy them from a used book store that will buy them back from you!! (and we have one just 5 minutes from our house!!)

Right now I am reading a very good book - On Gold Mountain by Lisa See - that a man at church handed it to me one Sunday - his wife and I often discuss books - and so I started reading it. It's a memoir about Ms. See's family and their life in California - most particularly Los Angeles and Chinatown.

I would say I'm off to a good start!

A fashion resolve

I keep resolving to get my wardrobe under control. I know the stats that say we all wear 20% of our clothes 80% of the time - and I truly believe. But I wish there was some fool-proof system for identifying that 20%!!

It didn't used to be so complicated. People had fewer clothes - they truly did. It seemed outrageous to have 12 pairs of shoes - as in, "Oh my gosh she has a dozen pairs of shoes!!" And now it doesn't even seem outrageous to hear that someone has 3 or 4 dozen pairs of shoes!

I went away to college with a planned wardrobe - 3 or 4 wool skirts, 3 or 4 wool sweaters, 3 or 4 blouses, one or two pairs of jeans - which you have to remember people really didn't wear jeans or even pants all that much. The photo above is an example of the way I thought then - "separates" that worked with other things. The skirt had a jacket to match (both made by Alice!), the vest went with 2 other skirts I had, and the blouse also went with a very cute jumper I really loved. Sweatshirts were in, as were cut off jeans and Bermuda shorts, but tee shirts were only for very casual.

I think that has something to do with it. The fashion industry has made casual clothing very acceptable for all occasions - a trend I enjoy and appreciate. But it's pretty easy to acquire lots of tee shirts and jeans - whereas it doesn't seem quite so automatic to get lots of wool skirts and dresses.

I purge my closet all the time, but it still seems to grow anyway. My fluctuating weight doesn't help matters either. I feel like I should discard "big" clothes so I'm not tempted to put on weight - then I do put on weight and have to get some new clothes that fit! (Actually the converse can happen too - I seem to have lost 2 or 3 pounds this holiday season - there has been some stress and with stress I don't eat. And so the 3 new pairs of jeans/pants I got to accommodate my bigger size are now somewhat large. Do I get rid of them and forge ahead with weight loss - i.e. hope for the stress to continue so I won't eat? Or do I keep them "just in case" and go get something a tad smaller?)

(I think I will just move the buttons over!)

I also forget what combinations I've made in my closet - and often am stymied in the early a.m. about what to wear. Fewer choices would make life a lot easier. The weather plays a role, what I'm doing that day at school plays a role, what is clean plays a role, and of course, what fits plays a big role. It often hinges on how I feel when I see my reflection in the mirror!

When I was a girl - I don't want to sound like I'm really from the "olden days" - but I had a school dress and a Sunday dress. When I got home from school, I changed into play clothes and hung up my school dress to wear the next day. It got washed once a week. At Easter and Christmas, when we got new Sunday clothes, it was nice because for a few months, the old holiday dresses could be school dresses for awhile and I could wear two dresses to school in one week.

Perhaps there is some merit in that plan!

I have read articles and blogs about women who strictly limit themselves to a certain number of tops, pants, skirts, dresses, and shoes - and if they get something new, something is discarded. And there was that blog about the woman who wore the same dress for one year - no kidding, it was a pretty fascinating story - I'm thinking she made money doing it - what else would motivate you to do that? And we even have a family member who went one year without buying any new clothing - but he may have done thrift stores. (and my take on that is - what if no one bought new clothes, the thrift stores would soon be out of merchandise!!)

I guess it could be worse - although I'm not sure if living where they have true seasons makes it easier to keep your clothes "categorized" or not.

But I'm working on it. Paring things down that is!

Starting the New Year right!!

Well, here it is January 2nd, and I have not only not posted yet, but I haven't made any progress on improving! Here it is, after 11, and I'm still not in bed. (I was resolving to get more rest. I am no longer the spring chicken who could grab some shut eye on the side of a highway near the Bonneville Salt Flats - and then continue on the journey with verve and enthusiasm!!)

We had a great lesson in Relief Society today - the "r" word was not used, but we all knew what we were talking about!! I liked the teacher's approach - talking about seeing the big picture, letting go of the past to move forward, having faith in the future, breaking down goals into doable increments, not letting the minutiae take over our lives.

Harry pointed out to me last week that many of the actions and activities that cause stress for me are things I like to do, things that are good things to do, but things that add up to stress nonetheless. I think I have not been willing to acknowledge this truth. And I am going to try to not only acknowledge it, but act on it - and feel good about that action!

For example, I am often called the Birthday Queen because I send everyone birthday cards. I've done it for years. It's good to remember birthdays - but my circle of family and friends grows daily - and remembering all the birthdays past a certain point in the circle may just end this year. There are certain birthdays that will still be remembered - and not sending a card to someone will not diminish my regard for them. But getting the cards, keeping track, buying stamps, sitting down and writing them - it all takes time - sometimes it's time I don't have - and I stay up late getting caught up and then I'm tired. So I'm rethinking this one.

It's a start anyway!

A Photo of My Friend Marion

I called a friend from Centerville to find out more about Marion, and she forwarded a photo she had of her and her husband Earl, who died a few years ago.

It was nice to visit with her and catch up on news in Centerville. Turns out most of my old friends are alive and kicking - so my New Year's resolutions are going to center on getting my past correspondence in order - and catching up with some friends from the past - those not on Facebook!

I must be growing old!!

"Each life that touches ours for good"

During the time that we lived in Centerville, Utah, we spent a year and a half renting a home while a couple served a mission. It was fun to live in a "real" house in a "real" neighborhood. The house was on a corner, and the back yards of 3 of the houses sort of all merged together. One of the houses that merged with our yard belonged to the Coleman family. The Colemans had a daughter, Renee, who was Bonny's age. She was their youngest daughter, while Bonny of course was our oldest.

I'm not sure of the occasion for this photo - I don't know if it was a homegrown craft project, something they did in Primary (which was held during the week back then), or some kind of school project. But it is a photo of Renee and Bonny in our backyard - and if you look through the trees, you are looking at the Coleman's backyard.

This was the closest I could come to a picture of Marion, Renee's mother and my good friend. Marion would walk through the yards - or I would walk through the yards - and we would talk, share recipes, produce, sewing tips, or solve the world's problems! Marion knew everyone in our ward and pretty much understood them too. She was always there to fill me in on "background" so that I could understand the ward and our neighborhood better. She was a good friend, and when we moved away in 1979, I truly missed her.

She was good about writing letters though, so we corresponded for several years. I remember writing her a letter one night soon after we had moved to Monrovia. I had put bread in the oven to rise, and then I had forgotten about it!! As I lay in bed, I remembered the bowl of bread dough I had put in the oven that afternoon. I got out of bed and ran to the kitchen to see what was happening! (Marion had taught me to put the bread in the over to rise, and then to put a jelly roll pan on the bottom shelf and then fill it with boiling water. The bread always rose beautifully that way - a technique I still use - and share with whomever is interested!)

The bread had spread all over the oven, but it came back together rather nicely as I scooped it up. I kneaded it a few times, plunked it back in the bowl and put it in the oven to rise once more. After it rose - which it did quickly - I shaped it into loaves and let it rise once more - then I baked it. Of course this took time, so to keep myself awake, I wrote a letter to Marion detailing my evening!! She wrote me back and told me that her Swedish grandmother always did her bread that way - letting it rise all day and then knocking it down and baking it whenever she had the time or inclination!!

That was the quintessential Marion - and I smiled as I read her reply. We exchanged letters for several years, and Marion kept me updated on all the news in Centerville. When we went to Utah, we'd stop in Centerville to go to church, and I'd see Marion. After about 15 years, it pretty much got to just letters at Christmas time. I suspect that she was computer savvy, but I never did get into the habit of emailing her. For a few years I didn't hear from her - and we didn't get back to Centerville very often - so I occasionally thought of her and wondered how she was. Then a Christmas card would come with all kinds of updates.

Last year I didn't receive a card - and then this year I received a card from her son, informing me that Marion had died on August 16, 2009, after a courageous battle with cancer.

I am so sad that I didn't know about this. I am so sad that I didn't have a chance to send her a final letter, letting her know how much I valued our experiences together. Her son told me that his mother had valued her friendship with me, and that is some comfort.

I thought of the hymn, Each Life That Touches Ours For Good. And whenever we sing it now, I will think of Marion.

And I am going to take pictures of my friends. I can see Marion in my mind quite clearly. But I wish I had a picture of her.

I'm a pretty good correspondent. But I'm not a perfect one. Lives change. We all change. Contact sometimes goes by the wayside.

I'm sorry that this correspondence went by the wayside at the end.

But I will always treasure the friendship I enjoyed with Marion.

So much for saying we won't exchange gifts!

So, we pretty much don't give gifts at this holiday time - to each other at least. Except sometimes one of us does anyway!!

This year it was Harry - who not only brought me a beautiful bouquet of holiday flowers, but he also gave me a beautiful coat from Patagonia - the store, not the country!

So, I had a card for him. But it was a very cool card!

And we went to lunch at Market Grill here in Monrovia. Try it if you haven't already.

And we went to the show and saw True Grit. It's a pretty good movie - give it a look-see if you haven't already!!

Looks like we really did more than we usually do. So much for saying we ignore our anniversaries!

But there have been years when there was no time and no money.

This wasn't one of those years!

Christmas Eve - and the end of the "advent" journey - for now anyway!!

You need to look closely at the photo of the house we lived in during our 2nd year of marriage - and the first Christmas we spent together in a domicile - we spent our first Christmas together in a hotel on our honeymoon to Santa Barbara.

You will need to use your imagination - and maybe google "'41 Chevy 3/4 ton flatbed pickup truck with a sheepherder's cabin on the back" - to see the car of which I am speaking!!

Dad bought this - maybe even traded it for our Fiat - anyway, we drove it down to LA for Christmas in 1968 - and it was an adventure, that's for sure. It was snowing, and the windshield wipers - which were vacuum driven - went out!! Dad put his arm out the window and wiped as he drove. It was very cold, very uncomfortable, very miserable. But we kept going.

On our way home, we got tired so we stopped and retired to our "camper!!" Which was less than adequate, even with its mattress on the floor - since it was very cold when we stopped!!

The good thing about it, however, is that we found the old Victrola cabinet at an antique store in GH - and had room to haul it home. It resides in the shop these days - but it shows up in many family photos - and most of you probably have fond memories of it.

That said, it has been fun to reflect on Christmas memories - so now I need to go and make some more!

"Happy Christmas to all , and to all a Good Night!"

Holiday Parties

Christmas used to mean getting new clothes and getting dressed up. I'm not sure when it "went casual" but it certainly is! I used to plan for the family party and the adult ward Christmas party and what I was going to wear. I put as much effort into the choices as I have into what the bride's - or groom's - mother was going to wear.

As you can tell by the festive bell in my hair, I thought this was a holiday outfit. I actually like silky shirts - but they do slide around a lot and aren't always "user friendly" if you follow my drift! But I remember this one and I remember the skirt - a bias cut plaid - something that is not kind to my figure in my present state!!

And for years, I had lots of Christmas hair decor and jewelry - I even had a Christmas watch!!

And I fussed over the children's holiday wear too - starting from the very beginning!

"For unto us a child is born . . ."

Dad kept to his word, and we spent Christmas in Utah for the next 7 years - until we moved to SoCal once more. One of those years was spent in the Harris' house in Centerville - they were on a mission, and we reveled in a large house with lots of rooms, two fireplaces, a big backyard, and a finished basement. And some nice furniture too!

We had a small cast, but we always did the nativity. I think I usually played the three wise men - and the inn keeper. When we got back to SoCal, we started being part of the Terrill Family Christmas parties - where the nativity was a major part of the evening. There were some great enactments, but as a result, we sort of phased out of doing them in our own homes - sometimes I wonder if we should have tweaked that some.

There is something about having a large cast and a script and an organ that is pretty special though.

White Christmas!!

Well, it won't be a white Christmas here in SoCal - but it is shaping up to be a very wet one!!

Which reminds me of the Christmas of 1971 - we came down from SLC in our spiffy yellow VW. We drove back and forth between GH and EM. It got pretty crazy. And it was raining like it has been here - for every day we were there it seems. But one rainy day Dad and I headed into Downtown El Monte and the local Woolworths - and found a little red doll stroller that we bought for Santa to give to 14-month old Bonny Brae. Bonny loved that doll stroller - and I don't seem to have one photo of it - but it lasted a pretty long time. Funny how an inexpensive item can be such a perfect and memorable gift. (When we got back to SLC, we had a little Christmas celebration with our tree and gave her a Fisher Price House - which we still have - and which she - and all the other Terrill children - have loved!)

That was also the year that Dad declared that we were never going to travel on Christmas again - all that back and forth in the rain just did him in! (Little did he know that in a few years, we'd be back - and all the back and forth in the rain and the heat and the wind and the earthquakes would go on year-round!! Or maybe he did know!)

Christmas memories of another sort

Dad and I wrote letters to one another on pretty much a weekly basis while he was serving his mission. I loved getting them - they were the high point of my week.

He sent me cards and little gifts too - one year at Christmas he sent me a book with some little pins inside a hole he'd carved out of the pages - theft in the mails was pretty prevalent then and things that appeared to be of value often didn't get through.

And one other year at Christmas, his former companion stopped by on his way to see his sister in Camarillo. I'm not sure why seeing Elder Terrill's former companion gave me such a lift, but it did. And Elder Robison had a little gift that Dad had sent along to me.

Of course that made my day!

Other Christmas Birthdays!!

December Christmas memories also include celebrating Scott's birthday!!

I remember Frances saying that they would celebrate Scott's birthday on July 19th with a pool party at Grandma's - she thought a December birthday sometimes meant less fun and attention for the birthday child. It's a pretty ingenious solution - and fun!

I also remember many a Terrill Family Christmas Party that included a cake for Dad, a cake for Scott, and one year Frances made a cake for baby Jesus - since we were celebrating His birthday too!

But Scott has never seemed deprived to me - he's a big guy with a big heart full of love for everyone - he lights up the party when he walks in!!

I often say that Scott and Karen made me an aunt - a role I continue to relish.

And I love that Christmas means celebrating many birthdays!

Christmas Birthdays!!

Christmas at the Terrills always includes Dad's birthday - and a pineapple upside down cake.

The second year of our marriage, I asked Dad what kind of cake he wanted - and he said "Pineapple upside down cake." I knew about such cakes, but I had not only never eaten one very often, but I had certainly never made one.

He said they were easy - he'd made them often for his college roommates. So he taught me how - and taught me that the best pan to cook one in was a cast iron skillet - and so every year for the last 42 years, I have made one for him in the same cast iron skillet that we got for a wedding present.

It wasn't until Robin's wedding that I discovered that all the Terrills are nuts about pineapple upside down cake - that was her wedding cake!

And this year there was a birthday celebration in the staff lounge for one of my colleagues - who requested a pineapple upside down cake! So now I've made more than just the number of years we've been married!

I keep track of such things!

Clocker's Corner

Christmas vacation, Terrill-style, means Clocker's Corner to watch the morning workouts - and enjoy breakfast under the heat lamps.

Not sure when we started doing it so regularly, but it's a fun part of the season.

My favorite part is when one of the little kids says, "We won, Grandma, we won!!"

I always wonder what the bystanders think of that!

A Christmas Tradition

The Grandma Terrill Family Christmas parties were legendary. At least when we moved here in '79, it became the high point of the holiday season. What was not to love? Santa came and brought you gifts. There was a great dinner on china with silver. A family talent show provided entertainment. My girls loved to dress up for the occasion.

And grown men draped themselves in cloth and wrapped scarves around their heads as part of the nativity!!

Times change, people move, people move on - the party lives but in a very different format.

But sometimes the grown men still drape themselves in silk!

Ward Christmas Parties!

Christmas means ward Christmas parties - I have lost count of the number I have attended. Oddly enough, I don't remember any as a child. Maybe they had them and we didn't go. Or maybe they didn't have them. Or more likely I have just forgotten them all! I don't remember them in Centerville either.

For most of our years in Monrovia, there was a family Christmas party, complete with Primary performances and a visit from Santa - either Charley Graham or Lloyd Chrisinger!

And then later in the week there was an adult Christmas party. I'm not sure why I don't have photos from those, because they were a very big deal!! The other women and I talked about what we were going to wear - I remember starting to look in stores around September for some stunning number to wow the folks with! I'm pretty sure I never really wowed them - but I had fun shopping.

There was a "social hour" with hot punch and hors d'ouvres. Then there was a lovely dinner, maybe a program, and often dancing!! I will tell you that Ken and Joan cut a mean rug!! We'd do the kitchen drill for the other ward on their night and they'd do it for us on our night, so no one had to work up a sweat in their party wear.

Now it's all combined - literally and figuratively. I miss the way it was - but maybe I remember it better than it was!

And even more Christmas memories!

My father's Uncle Norman is the young boy sitting between his father's knees. He was crippled - either born that way, or he had polio or some other disease. My dad used to tell us stories about how kids would pick on other kids - and wouldn't think that Norman was any threat. But he'd go after the bullies with his good hand - and they would stop bullying!

He was the janitor of the Hollywood Ward building for many years. In fact, he died in the building and was found the next day. He'd had a fatal heart attack. I'm not sure how old he was - I was in my teens when it happened.

What I mostly remember though, is that he always came to our house for Christmas. My dad would go pick him up and he'd stay overnight with us. He also came at Thanksgiving, but just for the day. He was kind and funny. Said he'd never met a food he didn't like - but there were some that didn't seem to like him!!

My folks would get shirts, ties and socks for him and wrap them up and put them under the tree. He was always duly impressed with our humble offerings - we were impressed that his gifts got wrapped!

I'm sure my parents served others all the time - and we were not always aware of their efforts. I'm thankful that Uncle Norman was a very visible part of our holiday traditions.

(And don't you love my mom's shirtwaist dress??)

More Christmas Memories

The 12 Days of Christmas are over - at least as far as the song is concerned! So now it's just memories - no more clever song lyrics!!

I'm impressed that I'm willing to post this photo - it is certainly less than flattering of me. But I do have several memories of going with Dad to see Santa and have a photo taken. I'm sure Mom was home with a baby or two - and she probably told Dad to take the kids to give her a break!!

I also have many memories of digging around in closets looking for hidden gifts. Most of them were hidden at the shop - there was always a Christmas Eve trip to the shop - and we knew just what it was for. But I still dug around - occasionally came across things that I wasn't sure were for me or not - and so I would speculate.

Funny the little things that can bring you joy!

Advent - day twelve

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 12 golden walnuts, 11 useless gizmos, 10 matching p.j.'s, 9 lovely tall trees, 8 elegant ornaments, 7 certain suitcases, 6 singing souls, 5 Julenissen, 4 Christmas stockings, 3 special wishes, 2 roller skates, and one very large sea kelp.

If you look closely, you can see the golden walnuts. If you are a Terrill - or have married into the Terrill family - you probably know the story about the fabled golden walnuts.

Our first Christmas spent together was on our honeymoon - didn't have a tree. Our 2nd Christmas together found us in a tiny rental house in Provo that really needed a nice big tree - so we got one!! We went over to the Ben Franklin 5 and 10 and bought some charming blue and red felt ornaments - which we still have, though they are something the worse for wear. We bought lights and strung popcorn, but decided the tree needed more. (Of course, it needed a lot more, but we were young and poor!!)

I don't know where we got the idea from, or if we just thought it up ourselves, but we carefully shelled a dozen walnuts and took the meat out of them. Then we glued them back together with a loop of gold ribbon in between the halves. Then we spray painted them gold. And hung them on the tree.

Thus the golden walnuts were born. I'm not sure why we just did 12, but we have kept them in the same egg carton for lo these last 4o+ years.

I'm not sure when all the harassment began, but it seems like it's been going on for a few years. Somehow, someone started poking fun at the golden walnuts. I tend to take that kind of stuff seriously, which just encouraged people to keep poking fun at them. Last year I don't think we even put them on - the ribbon is pretty shredded and it's a lot work to get them on now.

It also became quite important to count them before we tossed the tree when Christmas was over - more than once we counted and one or two were still on the tree - tarnished and old and unnoticed!!

But I'm pretty sure if I adiosed them, I would hear a hue and cry from a chorus of unhappy sibs.

I'm waiting for someone to make me a new set - maybe for our 50th!

Advent - day eleven

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 11 useless gizmos, 10 matching p.j.'s, 9 lovely tall trees, 8 elegant ornaments, 7 certain suitcases, 6 singing souls, 5 Julenissen, 4 Christmas stockings, 3 special wishes, 2 roller skates, and one very large sea kelp.

You may or may not have noticed that I was trying to have the same number of people in the photo as were in the verse - but I gave up on that today, right now!! This is Christmas in the Rock House and the baby is Erika.

My memory has nothing to do with the photo either. They are just for show!

My memory has to do with the year I got a volleyball for Christmas. As I've mentioned before, I usually didn't get what I wished for. And I really never planned on getting what I wished for. It was kind of like signing what you imagined your married name would be all over your notebook at school. Or listing all the names you were going to give your children.

One year I got a yellow sweater and a pair of beige wool pants with a matching vest
- instead of a dyed to match sweater set and skirt. It wasn't bad - I wore them anyway. And I was not offended - my folks did their best and tried hard to make us all happy.

And perhaps I should preface this with the note that I am not and never have been athletic. Not in any way, shape or form. So the year I got a volleyball - as my "main" gift - I was not only horrified - I was offended! How could anyone not know that I was not a volleyball player - me, who got A's and a C in P.E. - year after year?

I think I even said something rude like, "Who chose this?" Or, "Hasn't a mistake been made here?" And I was very close to tears. I think my mom said something like, "I thought you liked volleyball?" (What I had said was that volleyball was the one sport where I didn't quite look as bad as I did in other sports. I did not even imply that I liked to play it.)

I think I was 14 or 15. It was not a happy Christmas for me. I felt a little bit "abused" if I may use such strong language.

The ward YW volleyball team borrowed the ball once. They returned it much later in less than pristine condition. At least it got put to good use.

I have never forgotten that Christmas - even though my parents and siblings have little memory of it. Obviously I hid my pain!!

But since then, I have realized that it is not only possible, but highly probable, that anyone with more than one child could easily mix the signals their children sent them about gifts they'd like to receive. And I hope that my children have forgiven me when I have totally missed the boat on something.

Probably they were awarding double Blue Chip Stamps with the purchase of a volleyball!

Advent - day ten

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 10 matching p.j.'s, 9 lovely tall trees, 8 elegant ornaments, 7 certain suitcases, 6 singing souls, 5 Yulenissers, 4 Christmas stockings, 3 special wishes, 2 roller skates, and one very large sea kelp.

New jammies on Christmas Eve is certainly not an original tradition - in our family or any other. And it's been a sporadic tradition in our family. When Bonny and Harry were small, I made them new night gowns and p.j.'s. When Phoebe was 5 or so, I made her an E.T. nightgown that was a labor of love. There was an applique and embroidery on the front of the silhouette of E.T. flying away on the handlebars of the boy's bike. Sadly I never even took a photo of her in the gown, so you will just have to take my word for it that it was lovely!

A few years later, Dad and I started shopping on our anniversary getaways when Bonny came home for quarter break. Whereas I hadn't been up to shopping for or making new sleepwear for the kids, now we had time to shop, so we started buying them. I remember a green silk pair Dad chose for Phoebe. I wasn't sure she would like it - but he insisted. Just to let you know how wrong I can be, Phoebe not only loved them - she still has them - and wears them too!

I don't remember exactly when we started the matching jammies for whoever was with us on Christmas Eve. Sometimes we had silk-screened shirts with some clever saying. Sometimes we just saw what Marshall's had a dozen or so of. And one time, we designed a special "Welcome Matt" tee shirt the year Matt and Eliza got married. That is my personal fave. That year I also made all the bottoms! Now there are women who could whip up a batch of pajama bottoms without breaking a sweat, but I'm not one of them! I had the idea that Dad and Noah - since he was still living at home - could help me and we'd do it assembly line.

Well, we did do it assembly line and they did help me, but it was not all sweetness and light. I have a certain way of doing things. And males have another way. I was out-numbered! But they did get done and they were a fun surprise. It was worth all the effort to see the look on Eliza's face - she knew well my penchant for starting projects and not finishing them - so she was truly impressed as she said, "You made these?"

A couple of years ago, Dad said, "I have more tee shirts and pajama bottoms than I will use up in a lifetime. Shouldn't we start some other tradition?"

Maybe we will this year!

Advent - day nine

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 9 lovely tall trees, 8 elegant ornaments, 7 certain suitcases, 6 singing souls, 5 Julenissen, 4 Christmas stockings, 3 special wishes, 2 roller skates, and one very large sea kelp.

Over the years, as our own family grew and started leaving the nest, Harry and I kept trying to be creative and think of different settings and venues for the family holiday gatherings. We didn't particularly say, "Let's all get together for the holidays" - it just seemed to keep happening. Some years everyone wasn't there, but by and large we gathered - and it gradually evolved into gathering after Christmas, for New Year's Eve.

Other traditions evolved - predictions, sometimes going to the cabin at Monrovia Canyon Park, onetime getting a beach house in Laguna, matching p.j.'s for whomever was there on Christmas Eve, potato soup for Christmas Eve dinner, going to the movies on Christmas Day, Plunkets for Christmas morning.

I keep lobbying for a "destination" location - so one year we rented a place in Crestline. I thought a forest setting of trees and snow would add to our enjoyment. It was crowded and fun - we went ice skating, everyone took turns fixing meals, we gave Harry a telescope for his birthday/Christmas gift and had fun setting it up and looking at the stars. Then disaster struck and I got the flu - the stomach kind!! Rapidly it spread through the whole group. Treks had to be made to the laundromat. Some of us went to a motel to isolate ourselves!!

It's been a few years - the memory doesn't seem quite as grim as it sounds - but we haven't all crowded into a strange house since!!

And in spite of that being his introduction into the Terrill Christmas Mode, Robbie still joined our family!!

Advent - day eight

On the 8th day of Christmas, my true love brought to, 8 elegant ornaments, 7 certain suitcases, 6 singing souls, 5 Yulenissers, 4 Christmas stockings, 3 special wishes, 2 roller skates, and one very large sea kelp.

This was probably taken on the day after Christmas, because that was when Grandpa Clayton usually came. He made his rounds to the other cousins who lived closer to him, and then he and Grandma Connie and Anne all trekked out the Valley for our big brood. It got to where I sometimes enjoyed the day after Christmas more than Christmas day itself! Two big meals in a row - it was like heaven!

Grandpa would haul in a big box of presents - and even though only one was for you, just the sight of a nice old man carrying in a big box of gifts was enough to make the holiday come alive once more!! As I got older, the gifts were often jewelry, because Grandpa was a jeweler. Sometimes they were rings, watches and necklaces that had been brought in for repair and never picked up - but they still looked like luxuries to me!

On a totally unrelated note, we had a pretty motley collection of ornaments on our tree but I remember loving all of them. Who remembers the glass grapes? (and I don't mean the resin kind - these were somewhat largish glass ornaments that looked like a bunch of grapes.)

One year, the man across the street, who was some kind of salesman, gave us his Christmas samples - ornaments that were attached to a cardboard display board. Well, when you took them off, the back side had no more paint or decoration on it. Sometimes the back was a jagged hole even! But they were elegant, modern ornaments, not the old-fashioned kind we usually had. (You have to remember that vintage was just old back then!) So we hung them with the bad side not showing - and I felt just like Jo in Little Women, wearing one glove and carrying the other soiled one!!

I often thought that a "themed" tree or a flocked tree or a pink tree or even an aluminum tree seemed like something that was very desirable.

But I doubt if I'd have such lovely, fond memories of a pink flocked tree with red bows and green glass balls!