The Birth of a Mother

I've been home for almost a week now - and had intended to write this post when I first got home. In fact, I thought about it while waiting for my plane. But life happens when you get home. And this week my life included a few major events like a women's conference, some pivotal IEP meetings and an articulation meeting with the elementary RSP teachers.

But today was an inservice day, so even though I had to go to work, I didn't have to deal with students. That makes life easier! And I thought some more about this post.

What started me thinking today was thinking about Ara's upcoming 10th birthday! Ara made me a grandmother, so I thought about how Bonny made me a mom. There is a process that goes on - and if you are careful and thoughtful, you can see it happening.

I think when Bonny was born, I was overwhelmed by all the tactile forces that come with motherhood. Like Olga Coleman used to say, "I feel like a sponge!" By the time my body got back to normal, I had an infant to care for, so there wasn't a lot of time for reflection. And then motherhood just marched on, and I just took it as it came.

I was so excited to be a grandma and there was lots to do caring for Bonny and Ara - and Bruce too I suppose, although he is pretty self-sufficient. It was the kind of "lots to do" that you love doing. We read and talked and took care of Ara - and snatched naps whenever we could. We weren't too philosophical.

When I came with Ella, Ara was a toddler who needed a lot of time and attention, so we certainly didn't sit around feeling philosophical.

When Henry was born, the emergency c-section added an element of urgency to the situation. Phoebe was a trooper, but she needed to heal, along with all the other stuff that comes with first time motherhood. Needless to say, we didn't spend much time being philosophical.

This time around though, with Eliza, I found myself reflecting on the process of becoming a mother. I noticed many things that either didn't happen with the other girls, or they happened and I didn't notice. For one thing, Matt and I kept trying to get Eliza in to nap - and she resisted. Finally she said, "I don't want to go in the bedroom alone while you're all out here with Theo."

A light bulb went on in my head. This was a mom who had been denied some of the "bonding" moments because of her surgery. She hadn't even changed Theo until he was nearly a week old. She wanted to be with him - not off in the room resting without him. This was a mother coming into being.

And when I started seeing these feelings at play, it became easier to know what to do and say. And it afforded me the opportunity to truly observe the love and devotion Eliza was ready to give this wonderful little boy.

The birth of a mother is really almost as miraculous as the birth of a baby.