Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Calling All Mothers and Daughters


I don't think everyone reads our book blog, so I decided this was an important one that I wanted you all to know about. There's a funny story here - especially since the book is about communication - that I will tell on myself.

Harry bought this book for me - he'd heard Diane Rehm interviewing the author and thought I'd enjoy reading and discussing it with our daughters. Sounded like a good idea to me - this was about 2 or 3 years ago - so I added it to my stack of books.

Then I saw the same book in a store a few months ago - and bought it - when I brought it home, Harry said, "I already bought that book for you. Did you lend it out and can't remember who you gave it to?" Boy, did I feel foolish - and forgetful!!

So I finally got around to reading it this week, and said, while reclining on the couch, "This is a pretty good book. I'm not sure where I got it or who recommended it, but I should have the girls read it with me." And Harry said, "Don't you remember that's why I got it for you in the first place?"

I am really losing it!! I need to start keeping track - actually I have about a gazillion book journals - they are all so fetching, that I don't just keep one - I keep starting another one. I've even tried a personal library system. Somehow though, I just seem to read books and put them back on the shelf.

But I digress. However I ended up with this book, it is a good read - and my girls do need to read it so we can discuss it - and maybe my sisters should read it too.

Anyway, I have two copies - one is relatively small and paperback - I think I should send it to Hannah to read on the plane to France. And when she gets home, she can give it to Eliza. And I will give the hardback to Phoebe when I go up there and when we go in August for the Hood to Coast, I can get it back for Bonny.

Sound like a plan? Or give me your plan.

Let me give you a snippet that touched me, from a chapter entitled, "Blending Intimacy and Independence: New Ways of Talking"

"As my mother grew progressively weaker from lung disease, I visited her and my father more and more often. The weaker she got, the more time I spent helping her, caring for her. One afternoon, during a visit, I lay down on the couch to take a brief nap. Before succumbing to the plunge into sleep, I felt a movement at my legs. Briefly opening my eyes, I saw my mother, one hand on her cane, the other carrying a small blanket she had brought from the foot of her bed. Still gripping her cane, she used the other hand to spread the blanket over my legs. I can't tell this story with out tearing up. It is one of my most precious memories from the last years of my mother's life."

And this passage from the beginning of the book sums up what I think it is all about,

"Because talk plays such an enormous role in women's lives, understanding how conversation can lead to frustration and finding ways to improve conversations is key to more satisfying, less frustrating relationshipips between adult daughters and mothers. Our deepest wish is to be understood and approved of by our mothers and our daughters. We can get closer to that goal by listening to the ways we talk to each other, and by learning to talk to each other in new ways."

Are we ready for a Group Read??

14 comments:

Phoebe said...

Sounds great! I can put it on hold at the library-or just wait until you bring your copy up here.

Diane said...

Maybe the Terrills could lend it to the Hamills when you are finished with it... I like the two passages you listed.

Alice said...

Sounds like a great book. I may have Maddy bring it with her. I will order it and we can read it together and then send it on to the others in our family.

Karen said...

I will see if it is at my library.

grannybabs said...

Maybe we can just have a giant online discussion on the blog!!

Let's go for it ladies!

grannybabs said...

That's a good idea Phoebe - I can see if Dawn wants to read it too - and she could be done before we get to Oregon in June. But you would be covered just in case.

hanner said...

I'd love to have a plane copy!

grannybabs said...

It's "in the mail" as they say!!

(At least by the end of the day!)

(Because I will need to send Dad to do it!)

Eliza said...

That is a very sweet story about the elderly mother.

I have been interested to read this since it was published. She has a long list of interesting titles actually--you can see them here at Amazon. She wrote the textbook for one of the communications classes I took at BYU, which was when I first heard of her. Very interesting. I'm up for it!

By the way, I read the book blog just as often as I read your blog. I subscribe to both.

Alice said...

I would love to read it with my girls as well and will see what can be done to facilitate that. I don't think that I have the link to your book blog. I have been trying to blog for months but things just seem to get in the way. Thanks for blogging. It makes my day.

grannybabs said...

I certainly wasn't criticizing anyone who did or didn't read the book blog - it doesn't generate many comments, so it's hard to know who does or doesn't check it - maybe it is very easy to know who does or doesn't - but I'm not that savvy yet.

Anyway, I also read her book You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation - and that was several years ago - and was intrigued by it and had several conversations with Dad about it - I actually recall some things she said there - especially about men and asking for directions - which is almost moot now with GPS - but the underlying principle is certainly still there!

Christina @ AccomplishingMotherhood said...

Just saw your the link to your blog on Hannahs, I may become a regular . Im definitly checking this book out tomorrow. I was just in the car talking to my husband about " expanding our minds" through reading more books. Plus if its really good my book club needs suggestions for next month!

grannybabs said...

Well, Christina, be sure to check out the Terrill Book blog - On Your Nightstand - because we do read a lot of books in our family - and I don't know how your book blog is, but mine often has a hard time coming up with a good book to read - I'm not sure why either!!

The Mom said...

I think I will try to find the book over here and read it. I need all the help I can get in that area.

Thanks