Memorial Day, 2010

Memorial Day began as a way to honor those who died in the Civil War, and it was originally called Decoration Day. Women, mothers and wives of those who had died, were appalled at the condition of the graves and cemeteries where the war dead had been laid to rest. So they went and pulled weeds, planted flowers, and painted the crosses that had been erected.

Over time, those who had died in other wars were honored also, and the day came to be called Memorial Day. For many years it was always noted on May 31st, but then was included in the Senate bill that put most holidays on a Monday.


I remember it that way, so whenever it falls on the 31st now, I am reminded of days gone by. I especially remember one year when Memorial Day was a Thursday. I went to the beach and got burned!! I had been working in an office since I had graduated from high school in January, so I had forgotten that my previous imperviousness to the sun had come about gradually - while out of doors at school.

The burn was bad enough that I felt sick - but if I didn't go to work on Friday, I wouldn't get paid for Thursday!! It was a miserable day, to say the least!!


A quote from John F. Kennedy seems apropos here, "A nation reveals itself not only by the men it produced, but also by the men it honors, the men it remembers."

A little family history

Dad emailed these letters to me - and I finally figured out how to post them. There are more - I will post them also.

Letters from Harry Francis Terrill

to his mother Annie Hamilton Terrill (Fell)

U. S. M. S "St. Louis"

On board Sta St Louis

May 19th, 1897

Dear Mama;-

It is now 10 o’clock of the last day of our journey by this boat. We

have been within sight of England all morning and will land at

Southampton at about 3 o’clock this afternoon.

We have had a very smooth trip but we have not made a very fast trip

on account of the steamer having to go out of her course to avoid

floating ice which at this time of year comes down from the North.

Willie has not enjoyed the trip very much as he had not felt well. He

was a little sick the first two days and has not felt real well since.

I was a little sick the first day and have felt very well since except that

I could not eat very much.

We reach Southampton England at three o’clock and leave there at 12

o’clock at night arriving in Havre France at 11 o’clock the next day.

It is then only about 4 hours run to Paris.

There was a lady came aboard sick at New York, with two little

children, and she died during the voyage, she was buried at sea.

We have made a good many friends during the trip and quite a few are

from California.

There are a great many theatrical people aboard and some of them

have made things very jollie. They gave a concert last night and took

up a subscription for the benefit of the Sailors, Widows and Orphans

homes in England and America.

I hope you are all well and having a good time.

With love to everybody from Willie and myself.

I remain

Your loving son

Harry

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Birthday Girls!!

This is my 60th birthday. Just exactly where did 5 years go??

And this was my 22nd birthday. I don't even want to ask where 43 years have gone!!

This was 1979 - I was 34 years old. Close to Phoebe's age. It seems strange when I compare it to my kids.

Rose Ann and I share a birth date and a birth year. This was our 23rd birthday. That's how old Noah is!!

There is not a birthday photo extant of any of my childhood birthdays. They were not an extremely big deal - at least when I was growing up. My friends had parties and I always got invited. But I only ever had one birthday party - on my 8th birthday. It was somewhat bittersweet, however, because it was the year my best friend died - in March of that year - and her mother came to the party and brought me a gift - days of the week underwear - something I had truly coveted. Maybe Barbara's mom knew that and that's why she brought them. (My friend was named Barbara also - when we were littler than 8, we both were sure we were related because we had the same name!! We also used to sit in the hammock and speak gibberish and think we were speaking Spanish!)

The big deal when I was a kid was the fact that you didn't have to do your chores, you got your hair curled in the middle of the week - if your birthday occurred in the middle of the week that is - and you got to choose the menu for dinner. It wasn't much, I guess, but it always made me happy. In later years, my mom would often make me a dress for my birthday. One year I was a bit upset because I had to use up my birthday dress requisition on a prom dress!! (I wasn't keen on the boy who asked me and wanted to go camping with my friends instead!!)

I have had memorable birthdays - I'm sure - I would tell you about them if I could remember the details!!

One year Dad had everyone send me birthday cards - I got almost 60 that year - I think he did it for my 60th birthday. In college my friends and Alice did a surprise birthday party for me. One year Dad took me on a day trip - we took Hannah along since she was baby - and we went to Palm Springs - rode the tram. I turned 21 in Paris and my friends all gave me goofy gifts.

I can't complain about birthdays - as President McKay used to say, "Birthdays are better than the alternative!"

Grandpa's Girl

Dawn's birthday was last Thursday - but it was a Relief Society Dinner and Activity in our ward - and Dawn is the new Relief Society Activities Co-ordinator. The night before had been Noah's birthday - and Dawn was working. Friday night was Father and Sons - Harry took off work for that, but then he had to work Saturday night. Sunday I had my Stake Young Women Transition to Relief Society event - and then Dad and I drove Ara home. So I was beginning to think we'd never be able to give Dawn a proper celebration, since they were planning to take the kids to a Dodger game tonight - and I have my book group tomorrow night - you get the picture!!

But the gray, drizzly weather caused them to re-think going to Chavez Ravine, so they took us up on our offer to tend the kids while Harry took Dawn out. I thought they'd go out to dinner, but Harry said, "We can always go out to dinner, but we can't always watch a movie in peace," so they went to the show - I think they saw Ironman 2.

Dad was sort of into the Laker's game, so I suggested he have Miss Isla join him while I engaged the other kids in a rousing game of Slap Jack. Then I got the great idea to settle them into the guest room with my portable DVD player.

So we lined up pillows and wedges against the wall, put on our jammies, snuggled up in blankets, and watched Angels in the Outfield, which they found funny at times - and at other times they would say, "Is it going to be funny again now?" (They were mostly in love with the slapstick and broad humor - which is what makes it such a great kids' movie I think.)

When Harry and Dawn got back, we surprised Dawn with a tray full of cupcakes with lit candles - which the kids dutifully and somewhat precipitously extinguished for her!!

After rifling through the Grandma's Treasure Box, they all headed for home - with the unfinished DVD safely in their possession.

Dad and I lived away from our families for 12 years. We usually came down to California once a year. I didn't especially feel that we were deprived, but having the experience of family living close by has shown me just why those women in Centerville would lament so loudly when their kids married and moved away.

Fortunately for us, technology and improvements in travel allow us to see our kids and grandkids fairly often. And we can keep up on just what life is like via blogs and email and Skype, so we still feel a part of things. But there is something about being close by.

Tonight was a pretty good example of that something.

(I think I need to get my reservations for the summer visits to Oregon and Virginia that I am so looking forward to!)

They Made Me a Mother!!

Everyone has heard the story about Mother's Day 1971 - when I was somewhat saddened by the fact that Bonny didn't give me anything for Mother's Day!! (Bonny was 7 months old!!)


When I queried Dad, his response was, "Well, you aren't my mother." Over the years, this story has taken on a little of the quality of "outraged" myth. Let me set the record straight - in case there are some concerns. Dad is not ungenerous or unthoughtful. He does, however, have his very own way of looking at things. And his way of looking at things is that gifts are given by individuals who want to give those gifts. I'm not sure how things worked out when he was a kid, but I suspect that his dad didn't take him shopping or give Helen gifts signed "love Harry Jr." Probably as soon as he was able to do something about it himself, he gave gifts to his mom on Mother's Day. (And certainly over the years he has given me a lot of lovely gifts for many different occasions.)

This approach to life is a constant with him. When our kids were old enough for sports and Scouts, his approach was, "Well, if he really wants to do it, he'll make sure it happens. And if he doesn't make it happen, he probably doesn't want to really do it." I, on the other hand, came from a family where you were sometimes compelled to do things like Scouting. And I'm not sure being "compelled" is all bad either. I'm pretty sure that neither Harry nor Noah would have gotten their Eagle Scout rank without my urging. And frankly, I enjoyed working with them on the goal. I'm not sure there were too many other activities that were so far-reaching that I could have done with them.

But Dad is also a quick learner. On Mother's Day of 1972, Bonny "gave" me my first Henckel knife - one I still have and use all the time. And the next year, in 1973, Bonny and Harry Francis "gave" me my treasured copy of Mastering the Art of French Cooking.


So on this Mother's Day 2010, let me say that I wouldn't be a mother without Dad. Or without our great kids. The gifts and cards and calls over the years are treasured memories. But the best gift of all has been your well-lived lives. (Even if some of you don't wear your retainers anymore!!)

And Dad gave me a Mother's Day bouquet today - one he'd ordered ahead of time from Margit Holokai.

Mothers - and Motherhood - and Maternity - and More

A pregnant me - in a "tentish" top. 1970

My mom with her first four kids - maybe this is late 1947 or early 1948.

I was shopping for Mother's Day gifts tonight. I saw a pregnant girl - I swear she was 15 if she was a day. And she was running around the store with her girlfriends - but she was holding her back like it hurt. She was wearing a very fitted tank top.

Then I saw a cute top on the sale rack. Almost bought it. Then I noticed the tag - it was a maternity top! I'm pretty sure no one would have come up to me and said, "Why are you wearing a maternity top?" But if they'd seen it as a maternity top in a store or on some pregnant lady, they would have known it was a maternity top.

Driving home, I thought about my mom. I remember her standing in her slip and ironing her one of two maternity outfits. She usually had two - a really nice one and a pretty nice one. And they were two-piece. And the skirts had a cut out for your expanding belly and loops and laces to tie it up so it stayed up. And the top was a very tentish kind of top. And she was usually getting ready to go to her doctor appointment - in Glendale! And the outfit I most remember was a lovely salmon shade. And I'm also sure she made them herself.

During my first pregnancy, I had a couple of dresses and tops that were tentish too. After that, the fabrics weren't clingy, but they did drape rather than stand out like a tent. I do recall with Noah that I had a stretchy skirt and a stretchy top - so I've pretty much spanned the gamut of maternity fashions. For what that's worth.

I mostly thought about how I, and most of the women I know, have lots of clothes. Way more than we need. And 40 years ago, I recall having one dress - well, it was one dress that fit - until I lost the baby weight - when I could wear the other few dresses I had. But mostly we didn't have the volume of clothing that most of us have now.

I keep trying to pare things down. I have a rule that if I buy something new, I get rid of two things. But that just sort of seems to keep things steady, not smaller. I've never gotten rid of something and then regretted it. Maybe down the road I remember it and think maybe it would happen to come in handy that day, but I don't feel very bad about it. Still, it seems hard to get rid of the excess - and it truly is excess - I acknowledge that!

I'm not sure what all this means. Maybe you are trying to pare down too. Maybe you can share your secrets with me. I mostly thinks it's a paradigm shift - one that I haven't really made yet.

But I'm trying.

And I was thinking that my mom has 12 children - and we don't have a single photograph of her pregnant!