On becoming a mother

I look so young in this photo.  Bonny does too for that matter.  But I state the obvious because at the time, I really thought I knew a lot.  I thought I was smarter than my own mother.  I thought I was smarter than people who were less educated than me.  I thought I was smarter than the people I worked with.

And then I became a mother.  And the longer I worked at the job, and the more children we had, the more I realized that the education was just starting!

And I'm still learning.  It never ceases to amaze me!

With a couple of my girls!

Sometimes I fear that Eliza and Hannah - and Noah for that matter - got short shrift sometimes, coming at the end of the line as they did. I was an "old" mom, I was working and going to school, I had busy callings, Dad had busy callings, money was tight.

But I suppose a case could be made for the kids at the beginning getting a "raw" deal too - we "learned" on them!! And Phoebe - well, she was pretty much smack dab in the middle and got in on some of the stress from both ends, but she seemed to enjoy her position in the family.

I'm not the best judge of how well or badly I did, and I'm not fishing for compliments. I am just glad that our kids seem to enjoy being with us now. I always enjoy spending time with them - and this weekend was a perfect example of how much fun it is to be together!

Even without the circus peanuts!

Like mother, like daughter, like daughter, like granddaughter!!

While browsing through my mostly unorganized photos - or should I say, they were once organized and while browsing over the years I have pretty much disorganized them!!

At any rate, found this shot below from January of 1986 and thought how much it reminded me of Eliza with Ida in the shot above from November of last year.

Although Eliza and Ida look a bit more put together and stylish!!

(Do you guys remember that hot pink robe? I wore it a lot!)

Late night thoughts on the journey we call mothering

I'm here at Phoebe's with access only to her photos - but it's the thought that counts!

When I was a little girl, I played with dolls all the time. I didn't have the latest dolls or accessories, but I dreamed of having them. I look at the variety and availability of doll gear today and wonder how I would have reacted to having such splendor!!

But we made do. I was third oldest of 12, so there was lots of real baby gear around for us to modify. We set up households and played in them.

I also tended younger siblings. I remember standing by my youngest brother's crib and rocking it gently so he'd go to sleep. That was often my assignment. And I babysat lots and lots.

I thought I knew what mothering meant and what it entails. When I had my first child, my mother kept saying, "Why do you seem so amazed by all this? You grew up with babies all around you?"

I did "catch on" eventually. And I got the external part of it wired. But I'm still having "ah ha" moments when I watch other women, mostly the young women I see in my daily life, doing or saying things that I wish I'd done or said with my children.

We went to visit Phoebe's new little boy tonight - he was born this afternoon, and I'm here with her other children for the next two weeks. And as I sat and held this sweet little person, I was thinking about my own children. I'm not sure I "cherished" their babyhood. I think I thought often about "moving along" and getting to a point where life was more organized and predictable.

With my last child though, I determined to enjoy his infancy. My husband would laugh when he'd hear me telling someone that I couldn't do something or help with something because I had a new baby. He'd say, "Noah is 9 months old Barbara." And I'd say, "He's the last baby I'll ever have. He's still new."

I sat and held him and read stories to him and took him for walks and played with him. I really focused on him as a baby. And he was a good baby. He loved to sit quietly in your lap and be read to. He loved to go with you.

The great irony here is that Noah is our wayward boy. Noah is sweet, loving, kind, and out of the loop with the rest of the family. He not only marches to the beat of his own drum, none of us are sure just what that drum beat is. And he's not making very good choices along the way.

I thought I'd erred by not giving my other children enough time. So, I gave the last one lots more time.

I guess it doesn't have everything to do with what you do as a mother. I guess it has more to do with who your children are.

I know all this. I've gone over and over it in my head, with my husband, with my other kids, with my friends.

When I see a sweet new baby though, it all comes back to me - and seems even more poignant.

Just some thoughts. I shouldn't be left alone so much!!

Mothers - and Motherhood - and Maternity - and More

A pregnant me - in a "tentish" top. 1970

My mom with her first four kids - maybe this is late 1947 or early 1948.

I was shopping for Mother's Day gifts tonight. I saw a pregnant girl - I swear she was 15 if she was a day. And she was running around the store with her girlfriends - but she was holding her back like it hurt. She was wearing a very fitted tank top.

Then I saw a cute top on the sale rack. Almost bought it. Then I noticed the tag - it was a maternity top! I'm pretty sure no one would have come up to me and said, "Why are you wearing a maternity top?" But if they'd seen it as a maternity top in a store or on some pregnant lady, they would have known it was a maternity top.

Driving home, I thought about my mom. I remember her standing in her slip and ironing her one of two maternity outfits. She usually had two - a really nice one and a pretty nice one. And they were two-piece. And the skirts had a cut out for your expanding belly and loops and laces to tie it up so it stayed up. And the top was a very tentish kind of top. And she was usually getting ready to go to her doctor appointment - in Glendale! And the outfit I most remember was a lovely salmon shade. And I'm also sure she made them herself.

During my first pregnancy, I had a couple of dresses and tops that were tentish too. After that, the fabrics weren't clingy, but they did drape rather than stand out like a tent. I do recall with Noah that I had a stretchy skirt and a stretchy top - so I've pretty much spanned the gamut of maternity fashions. For what that's worth.

I mostly thought about how I, and most of the women I know, have lots of clothes. Way more than we need. And 40 years ago, I recall having one dress - well, it was one dress that fit - until I lost the baby weight - when I could wear the other few dresses I had. But mostly we didn't have the volume of clothing that most of us have now.

I keep trying to pare things down. I have a rule that if I buy something new, I get rid of two things. But that just sort of seems to keep things steady, not smaller. I've never gotten rid of something and then regretted it. Maybe down the road I remember it and think maybe it would happen to come in handy that day, but I don't feel very bad about it. Still, it seems hard to get rid of the excess - and it truly is excess - I acknowledge that!

I'm not sure what all this means. Maybe you are trying to pare down too. Maybe you can share your secrets with me. I mostly thinks it's a paradigm shift - one that I haven't really made yet.

But I'm trying.

And I was thinking that my mom has 12 children - and we don't have a single photograph of her pregnant!