When the stars line up just right!!

I remember as a young mother - and even as a middle-aged mother - how I would plan the days so that I had time to myself. Most days it worked out pretty well. Some days everything went wrong.

But today, the stars were all lined up just right - Henry was at Cub Day Camp, Calvin was invited by the neighbors to go to the lake.

Agnes, who can sometimes "resist" her nap, fell asleep right after lunch. On the couch yes, but asleep, so who's complaining??

Baby Sully dozed off too - and so I sent Phoebe downstairs to take a nap. And I laid on the other couch and read!!

Just like the old days!!

Grandmothering

This is an old photo of me in 1977 when I was pregnant with Phoebe. I was 32 years old, and certainly I never imagined being 65 and having 14 grandchildren.

And here I am, 33 years later, spending my days and nights mothering Phoebe and grandmothering the others!

I love being a grandmother. It's much more satisfying and rewarding than I ever imagined it could be. I love my own children, and I enjoy being a mother. But somehow being a grandmother just pulls it all together and makes it all fit nicely.

As the numbers grew, I began to worry about the fact that I see some of my grandkids much more often than I do the others. I try to send cards, little gifts, letters. We have done some Skyping - but I think the adults enjoy that more than the kids do.

But two weeks ago, while we were at Matt and Eliza's, I noticed that Theo and Ida took to us quite readily. Eliza does try to keep pictures of us in front of them, talks about us, and generally does a good job of keeping us in the picture.

But I think what's at work is a cumulative effect. In other words, if you try to make the minutes count, they will. If you do your best to connect with the children, talk to them, play with them, spend time with them, it will register with them. Most importantly though, I believe it stays with them. And then the next time you come, you can start literally building the relationship from where you left off.

As I sat a dinner tonight and last night with Henry, Calvin, and Agnes, we were all very comfortable. The last time we were together was April, and before that it had been Christmas, but the transition seemed almost seamless.

Calvin did say, the morning after I arrived, "I wish your husband could have come." But I'm pretty sure that he knows my husband is his grandfather!!

It was comforting to figure this all out!!

Late night thoughts on the journey we call mothering

I'm here at Phoebe's with access only to her photos - but it's the thought that counts!

When I was a little girl, I played with dolls all the time. I didn't have the latest dolls or accessories, but I dreamed of having them. I look at the variety and availability of doll gear today and wonder how I would have reacted to having such splendor!!

But we made do. I was third oldest of 12, so there was lots of real baby gear around for us to modify. We set up households and played in them.

I also tended younger siblings. I remember standing by my youngest brother's crib and rocking it gently so he'd go to sleep. That was often my assignment. And I babysat lots and lots.

I thought I knew what mothering meant and what it entails. When I had my first child, my mother kept saying, "Why do you seem so amazed by all this? You grew up with babies all around you?"

I did "catch on" eventually. And I got the external part of it wired. But I'm still having "ah ha" moments when I watch other women, mostly the young women I see in my daily life, doing or saying things that I wish I'd done or said with my children.

We went to visit Phoebe's new little boy tonight - he was born this afternoon, and I'm here with her other children for the next two weeks. And as I sat and held this sweet little person, I was thinking about my own children. I'm not sure I "cherished" their babyhood. I think I thought often about "moving along" and getting to a point where life was more organized and predictable.

With my last child though, I determined to enjoy his infancy. My husband would laugh when he'd hear me telling someone that I couldn't do something or help with something because I had a new baby. He'd say, "Noah is 9 months old Barbara." And I'd say, "He's the last baby I'll ever have. He's still new."

I sat and held him and read stories to him and took him for walks and played with him. I really focused on him as a baby. And he was a good baby. He loved to sit quietly in your lap and be read to. He loved to go with you.

The great irony here is that Noah is our wayward boy. Noah is sweet, loving, kind, and out of the loop with the rest of the family. He not only marches to the beat of his own drum, none of us are sure just what that drum beat is. And he's not making very good choices along the way.

I thought I'd erred by not giving my other children enough time. So, I gave the last one lots more time.

I guess it doesn't have everything to do with what you do as a mother. I guess it has more to do with who your children are.

I know all this. I've gone over and over it in my head, with my husband, with my other kids, with my friends.

When I see a sweet new baby though, it all comes back to me - and seems even more poignant.

Just some thoughts. I shouldn't be left alone so much!!

Books I've Read the Past While

I have been reading up a storm it seems - but then someone will say, "So, what are you reading?" and my mind goes blank!!

A list:

Theo Boone: Kid Lawyer by John Grisham - I am an unabashed Grisham fan - this is his initial foray into the world of adolescent fiction. I'm not sure adolescents will like it though. But like all Grisham books, I find it a "page turner" but not always because it's gripping or scary - I just want to get the "rest of the story" as they say.

Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet by Jamie Ford - I loved this!! It's about WW II and the Japanese internment camps - but it's a love story - the best kind! Maybe not literature - but a great summer read.

The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein - can I just say this was wonderful reading!! It's a story of love and loss and victory - told by the dog!! (and it works!!)

The Inheritance of Loss by Kiran Desai - strange and Indian - but then most of the Indian books I read are - but it's compelling. And it paints very vivid word pictures.

Joe Hill by Wallace Stegner - I'm currently plowing through this, but it's not very compelling. Usually Stegner is - so I'm a little perplexed.

I'm re-reading Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton for my book group in September. I always like her books - even in the re-reading. Maybe it's a sign I've forgotten them from the first time!!

And I've read a plethora of forgettable adolescent novels this spring - mostly to see if I want to recommend them to my students - they are usually well-written as far as demonstrating competent prose, but they don't "speak to me" so much. One was about a girl with an autistic brother - it was pretty well done - but it almost seemed too politically correct, if you follow my drift.

I need to find something to take to Phoebe's - or maybe she will have something there - where's some good airplane fiction when you need it??