Purpose

I am taking a class on autism for a new state-mandated certificate that California school teachers have to have.  This week I had to do several online modules on Functional Behavioral Analysis and antecedent-based behavior modification strategies.  For the uninitiated, it just means that all behavior has a purpose.  You can't really change behavior until you identify the purpose or event that precipitates it.

This reading has provided me with lots of "ah ha"moments.  I can see rather clearly what I have been doing wrong this year in one of my classes - a class full of unmotivated, poorly behaved, somewhat hyper-active students.  I think I have been encouraging the very behaviors I wanted to eliminate.  I will let you know if the strategies I plan to implement - even at this late date in the school year - have any effect.

A greater "ah ha" moment came when I analyzed my behaviors and motivations as a child growing up in a large family.  Very early on I figured out that good grades and other academic accomplishments earned me praise and approbation from my mother.  My father too, I suppose, but since we interacted more often with my mom, I suspect I was more motivated to get her attention.  I also recall noting - and not totally understanding - that some of my brothers used poor grades and poor academic functioning for the same purpose - my mother's attention!  I distinctly remember wondering how they were brave enough to get bad report cards - I was sure that the consequences would be dire if I got a bad grade - why didn't they feel that way?

Another interesting "ah ha" came as I reflected how my mother was somewhat disappointed after I went away to college and did not join student government or the debate club - activities I had been very active in during my high school years.  I didn't go out for the year book or the student newspaper either - also activities that had consumed me in high school.  My mom often lamented my lack of interest in these pursuits.  It didn't even bother me that she was disappointed in me.

The "ah ha" came as I realized that I no longer was looking for her approbation and support.  I was in a different setting and got my sense of importance and belonging from a whole new set of people and situations.  I also realized that our children had followed the very same path when they left the nest for college.  They set out on paths that were somewhat different from their high school paths.  I don't recall it bothering me much - maybe because all of them except Hannah were also English majors - and she majored in American Studies - which is as close to being an English major as you can get! 

But I hope it had more to do with my seeing that they were happy and industrious and moving forward in positive directions.  From an early age our children have marched to their own drummers - at age 3, Bonny would only wear what she wanted to wear - I had no influence over her fashion choices.  Her sisters had similar attitudes, although I could influence Hannah!!  I recall wanting to influence in specific directions, but Harry their dad usually told me that they could find their own way.  I guess that's why two parents are good.

More importantly though, was the realization, after I married and had children of my own, that I once again wanted my mother's approval and approbation.  I wanted her to think I was a good mother.  I wanted her to like how my children were turning out.

I'm glad that was part of the process.  My life would have been barren indeed if I had not wanted regular interaction and discussion with my mother!

Now if I can just figure out those squirrelly munchkins in Period 2!

(The photo has no meaning - it was taken in my yearbook class when we were fooling around with the cameras - so it seemed to fit!)