"Each life that touches ours for good"

I feel like I am too young to have my old friends dying. But there was a message on our answering machine today from a friend whose voice I hadn't heard in over 30 years. I have maintained contact with Janice and Roger Rowley since our days in the Butterfield Arms on 5th South and 10th East in SLC, and every few years would hear back from them at Christmastime. I hadn't heard from them in several years, and then I got a letter from them while they were on a mission in New Jersey.

So when I got a message that said, "This is Roger Rowley from Helper, Utah and I have some news. Give me a call," I told Harry, "This can only be bad news."

I called back but only got a machine, so I left a message. When I got back tonight, I called again. Janice had died in January, from a combination of a malignant adrenal tumor and congestive heart failure.

Janice is in the center of the back row of this rather poor quality picture. Alice is on the left in the back row, and the others are people you wouldn't know. The occasion was Harry's first birthday - he is in the high chair on the left. Bonny is on the front row, in plaid shorts.

We lived in a 4-plex owned by the Butterfields - hence our own name for it was "Butterfield Arms." Kind of a commentary on how deluxe they were not! We moved there when Bonny was about 7 months old and left when Harry was 2.

The duplex had a great back yard; we even planted vegetables in it one summer. There was a big swing set too. It was connected to a complex of houses and apartments that were on these short private streets - a tiny hidden away neighborhood. I wish I had photos - but you will just have to trust me that it was like a kingdom unto itself - a nice little world of its own.

We had a cat named Elizabeth and one day I was out calling her and a woman came through the back fence and said, "Are you calling me?" (Her name turned out to be Elizabeth!) We were still attending a student ward, so we hadn't gotten to know any of the neighbors. Turned out there was Elizabeth and her children and Janice and her kids. We became friends - and it was a wonderful neighborhood kind of friendship. We mostly just hung out together with our kids - mostly outside. Janice and Elizabeth's kids were older - some were in school - so their lives didn't really parallel mine, but we enjoyed our time together. In the winter time, we would go into one another's houses sometimes, but not as often as we would hang out in the good weather.

When we moved to Centerville, Janice and I would meet at the zoo, or at a park. And over the years, I faithfully sent them a Christmas card.

She hadn't really gone into details about her life, mostly just Christmas letter kind of stuff. They have 6 kids - and 4 are not active. He was a bishop in Helper when a terrible mine disaster happened there back in the 80's. It was in the Church News. It prompted me to write to her about it, and for a few years her letters were more personal and detailed.

She and her husband were school teachers, so when I got involved with education, we had that much more to talk about.

There are people who come into your life for a brief period of time. They are important in your life for that period of time. Even if you never see them again - and I haven't seen Janice since we left Centerville in 1979 - they are significant friends.

And their loss is real.

I grieve for Roger - who said he's doing okay, "just gets rough at night." And grieve is too strong a word for that sorrow we feel for days gone by that really won't ever come again. But it's a loss, nonetheless.

Loss has been a component of my life lately. I'm not sure how well I am dealing with it. I know it is part of life, but I am new to this sense of time, and people, slipping away.

If any young women are reading this - treasure and value your friends. Stay in touch with them. And remember that it is true that "When such a friend from us departs, we hold forever in our hearts, a sweet and hallowed memory, bringing us nearer, Lord, to thee."

I am grateful for my friendship with Janice Rowley. I think I'm a better person because of it.