In memory

I was thinking, on this Memorial Day, about people in my life who have died.  At first I was thinking there weren't that many, but as I scrolled through my photos, there were lots of faces that are no longer in my life.  Like my Uncle Steve.  So many memories from my childhood.

 

Bill and Margaret - my dad's cousins - they owned a clothing factory - and sent us the "seconds" and it felt like Christmas when the box came.

My sweet Aunt Audrey - I'd sleep over at her place to spend the weekends with Harry after we got engaged.

 

 My Uncle Harry - reclusive and a bit prickly - but a good man.

My Grandpa Stevens - a wonderful grandpa - will never forget the Christmas Day he taught me to roller skate.

 

Jim Terrill - we miss him all the time.

 

 My Grandma Stevens - a caring woman, who had the courage to change her life at a point when many would have not bothered.

My dad - at the shop - where else?  A good man who figures prominently in our lives still.

 

 Grandma Connie - what a blessing in all of our lives.  She used to say that she had to keep learning.  If you stop learning she said, you'd get old!

 Grandma Helen, Uncle Ted - not a lot of memories, but they are all the more precious.

 My Grandpa Clayton - a man who was often "larger than life" in our eyes.  And a pretty good magician too!

 Charlie Graham - his spirit is still with us!

Ronnie Horton - a one of a kind kind of guy!!

 

  

Roger Menlove - and we miss having Launa living here in Monrovia!

Grandmother Taylor - a fine woman, gracious to the end.

 

Aunt Dorothy - a favorite aunt!!

 

Uncle Paul - everyone's favorite!

 

Baby Jonah - always in our hearts!  And seeing Karla in the photo reminds me that we miss Adam and David.

 

Bamam - no photo of Budd - but we loved having the chance to know both of them.

Bill - we miss him!

There are certainly others - if I sat down and scrolled through my life, there would be many - people whose lives touched mine - who are no longer here.  

It's probably a good idea to reflect on this more often!

Worth a go-see!

This film finally came to the Krikorian, so Harry and I walked downtown and had a look-see.  And it was worth the effort.  It's a well-done film - but hey, Maggie Smith and Judi Dench - how can you go wrong?

I will say this about the demographic reflected in the audience - all older couples - not a youngster in the bunch!

But if you are a "youngster," I think you would enjoy the film as much as we did!

A birthday memory

When I turned 22,  my sister and my roommates and some home teachers we had engineered a surprise birthday party for me.  It was not only the first surprise party I ever had, it was only about the 2nd or 3rd birthday party I'd ever had!!  (Birthday parties were not de rigeur in the Clayton household when I was growing up.  Actually lots of people didn't have parties, so I didn't feel particularly deprived - I sort of didn't know any different.)

When I was at BYU my birthday always fell sometime during finals, so it pretty much got neglected - that's why I was indeed surprised when this one got pulled off with nary a suspicion from me.

It's not really a good photo of them, but Alice made matching jumpers for us - and we wore them with navy blue tee shirts - this was when tee shirts for women were just coming into vogue - and you thought women had always been wearing tee shirts, didn't you??

The jumpers were a canvasy kind of cotton - navy, gold and white plaid - and I loved them!!  We rode the Greyhound bus home that year - and wore our matching jumpers on the trip - and thought we were pretty spiffy too!

This year I have my autism class from 4 to 7 on my birthday - and then Harry and I have an appointment at 7:15 for him to be set apart - he's on the high council once more.  But I don't feel particularly deprived - I'm just happy to be alive and well and not feeling too terribly old!!

No matching jumpers though!

One of those days!

I hate days that are "non-stop."  Probably because I had one today.  I had a sub-day even - I had 5 scheduled IEP's and testing that needed completing - and our contract allows us so many sub days a year for such contingencies - so I took one.

But it was still crazy!!  I had an excellent sub - no problems or pressure there.  But some parents did not show.  There was a power surge and the computers went down - and our phone system is linked to the computers, so the phones were down.  And my IEP system is internet based.  And I thought I'd printed out one of the IEP's, but it turned out I had not printed it out.

You get my drift.

But that wasn't what was tough.  What was tough was the fact that one thing after another required my attention - and no one but me would do!!  Not as flattering as you might think!

School can be stressful on the one hand because your day is run on a schedule that announces itself with bells.  Normally the bells don't create stress.  But sometimes the bells are the straw that breaks the camel's back.

One of those days.

It's a good thing they don't happen every day!

A pretty good read -

I have read a number of Anne Tyler novels - I like her style, kind of understated and quiet.  But very emphatic at the same time.  This is a story about a man who loses his wife - and how he comes to deal with the loss.  An interesting take on grief and resolution.  There's a contractor in the story too - and a remodel!

I mostly find that people either like her writing or they don't.  There are lots of similar "threads" in all of the novels of hers that I have read.  But I find comfort in continuity and sameness, hence I like it.

If you've read it - or her other books - let me know what you think!

Some thoughts on Mother's Day - or maybe if I do a blog post, I can just go to bed without finishing my "to do" list!

This photo is from 1987 - I am pregnant with Noah in this shot.  The small children in the photo are the two Hannah's, Hester, Eliza, and Phoebe up in the tree - the nasty Chinese elm that made everyone sneeze and made the yard dirty too.  But it was good for climbing.

I spent a lot of years mothering small and not so small children.  And then I spent a number of years with young adult children away from home and small children at home.  For periods of time I was pregnant or nursing a baby.  Except for a few odd jobs - subbing in the registrar's office at the U during registration, being an election judge in Utah, and babysitting children - I did not work outside of the home.

Those years were long and full of activity, stress, work, pleasure, sorrow, joy, friendship, late nights,  and early mornings.  Early on, at least before Phoebe was born, I even went back to school and started doing graduate work in Children's Literature.  And when Phoebe was in school, I also did some course work for an Early Childhood Credential.  I didn't finish either  one of them.  

When Noah was in school, I started working in Harry's office.  I have never been a fan of office work, so when the opportunity came to substitute teach, I jumped at the chance.  After 4 years of subbing, a permanent half-time teaching position became available.  I enjoyed this job for 2 years and then went full-time.  Being a permanent teacher meant that I had to complete a teaching credential, so I found myself once more in school.  Usually from 4 to 10 at night - several nights a week, for several years.  I was also a ward Young Women President during this time - that was crazy-busy, but since Hannah and Eliza were in Young Women and Harry was the bishop, we just brought Noah along and called it family time.  It worked.

We are empty-nesters now - and have been for several years.  I am still teaching.  Most of the teachers I started out working with at the middle school where I teach have retired.  I am old enough to be just about everyone's mother.  The mothering years have been supplanted by the grandmothering years, but there's a difference - and that's another post in and of itself.

My point here is that the years since I had small and not-so-small children to care for have been replaced by years of working at a job and enjoying our adult children and our growing grandchildren.  The years are long and full of activity, stress, work, pleasure, sorrow, joy, friendship, late nights, and early mornings.

And I'm taking a required class on Wednesday nights from 4 to 7 - it started in January - ends in June.

Is there a pattern here?

"What is an only goat?"

When Bonny was born, the women where I worked at the University of Utah's registrar's office gave me a baby shower.  One of the women gave me a copy of Kenny's Window by Maurice Sendak.  I had never heard of him before, but Harry and I read the story and were charmed by it.  

You need to understand that children's books were not the big business they are today.  Most people just had Little Golden Books or checked books out of the library or had copies of Grimm or Andersen fairy tales or bought the little cheap-o books at the market.  I was pretty excited to have a bona fide hard back children's book to start Bonny's library.

Interestingly enough, Bonny and Harry came to love the book.  (I guess it's not really so odd or interesting - it was the only children's book of any substance that we owned at the first of our child-rearing years.) A review of it says, "Seemingly overlooked and forgotten, "Kenny's Window" is one of the greatest works of children's literature I've come across in the last three years.  Comprised of 7 stories, each initiated by a "question" dreamed by Kenny, ("What is an only goat?" "Can you hear a horse on the roof?") Sendak has written a story that draws the reader deep inside the imagination and beautiful, strange logic of a young boy, alone in his room and at play."

As more children came into our home - and more and more books - Kenny's Window was relegated to the bottom of the pile.  I don't recall the same interest in it that Bonny and Harry had.  We did remain huge Maurice Sendak fans, of course, and occasionally pulled Kenny off the shelf for a read.  I think it's not a quick book to read or an easy book to read.  When you don't have lots of choices and lots of distractions, you have time to explore and get to know such a book.  I'm glad I at least got to know it so well with Bonny and Harry.

And you might like to try it.  In memory of one of our favorite authors, who said, "And it is through fantasy that children achieve catharsis. It is the best means they have for taming wild things."

Saturday Night at the Movies

I was at the Monrovia Public Library - a place I love, but a place I don't seem to get to very often - and I was returning a book.  I decided to peruse the DVD rentals - and found this - I recalled that I'd wanted to see it at some point in time.  Harry was pretty tired - and nodded off about 10 minutes into the show.  He woke up for the last half - and then watched the part he'd missed.  I suppose everyone but us has already seen it - but if you haven't, it's clean, has no bad language, and was quite entertaining.

Sometimes that's all you want out of movie - especially at home on a Saturday night!

Purpose

I am taking a class on autism for a new state-mandated certificate that California school teachers have to have.  This week I had to do several online modules on Functional Behavioral Analysis and antecedent-based behavior modification strategies.  For the uninitiated, it just means that all behavior has a purpose.  You can't really change behavior until you identify the purpose or event that precipitates it.

This reading has provided me with lots of "ah ha"moments.  I can see rather clearly what I have been doing wrong this year in one of my classes - a class full of unmotivated, poorly behaved, somewhat hyper-active students.  I think I have been encouraging the very behaviors I wanted to eliminate.  I will let you know if the strategies I plan to implement - even at this late date in the school year - have any effect.

A greater "ah ha" moment came when I analyzed my behaviors and motivations as a child growing up in a large family.  Very early on I figured out that good grades and other academic accomplishments earned me praise and approbation from my mother.  My father too, I suppose, but since we interacted more often with my mom, I suspect I was more motivated to get her attention.  I also recall noting - and not totally understanding - that some of my brothers used poor grades and poor academic functioning for the same purpose - my mother's attention!  I distinctly remember wondering how they were brave enough to get bad report cards - I was sure that the consequences would be dire if I got a bad grade - why didn't they feel that way?

Another interesting "ah ha" came as I reflected how my mother was somewhat disappointed after I went away to college and did not join student government or the debate club - activities I had been very active in during my high school years.  I didn't go out for the year book or the student newspaper either - also activities that had consumed me in high school.  My mom often lamented my lack of interest in these pursuits.  It didn't even bother me that she was disappointed in me.

The "ah ha" came as I realized that I no longer was looking for her approbation and support.  I was in a different setting and got my sense of importance and belonging from a whole new set of people and situations.  I also realized that our children had followed the very same path when they left the nest for college.  They set out on paths that were somewhat different from their high school paths.  I don't recall it bothering me much - maybe because all of them except Hannah were also English majors - and she majored in American Studies - which is as close to being an English major as you can get! 

But I hope it had more to do with my seeing that they were happy and industrious and moving forward in positive directions.  From an early age our children have marched to their own drummers - at age 3, Bonny would only wear what she wanted to wear - I had no influence over her fashion choices.  Her sisters had similar attitudes, although I could influence Hannah!!  I recall wanting to influence in specific directions, but Harry their dad usually told me that they could find their own way.  I guess that's why two parents are good.

More importantly though, was the realization, after I married and had children of my own, that I once again wanted my mother's approval and approbation.  I wanted her to think I was a good mother.  I wanted her to like how my children were turning out.

I'm glad that was part of the process.  My life would have been barren indeed if I had not wanted regular interaction and discussion with my mother!

Now if I can just figure out those squirrelly munchkins in Period 2!

(The photo has no meaning - it was taken in my yearbook class when we were fooling around with the cameras - so it seemed to fit!)

Out of the mouths of 8th grade babes!

As many of you know, I teach middle school students with identified learning disabilities.  My students by and large are bright and interesting.  They just learn "differently" and always have.  As a consequence, they have developed certain habits and coping skills over time.  Sometimes they can be really hilarious though.  And I hope it doesn't look like I am poking fun, but this incident makes me smile every time I tell it!

The students in my 8th grade collaborative Language Arts class are supposed to write a persuasive essay that is for or against animal testing.  It is a detailed process that is supposed to start with research.  One young lady gave me her essay to check and she had said, since she was in favor of animal testing, that "The animals think it is okay."

I asked her where she had gotten that info - and she said, "online."

Like I said, they do see things differently sometimes!!

It took some persuading on my part to get her to change that line.  When she couldn't produce the proof, I insisted it go!!

I think she thinks I'm goofy.

But she's still one of my favorite students!