A little juxtaposition in time

Baby Boy Terrill made his debut on Monday the 7th.  9 lbs 4 oz. - healthy and whole.

It seems fitting as I post this that I acknowledge that it is the 2nd anniversary of the birth of our sweet baby Jonah today, the 8th.

The joy in welcoming a new life into the world and into our family was the same both times.  A testament to our faith in the gospel plan, I think.

As Isla said, as we were leaving the hospital after visiting her newest sibling, "Jonah is with Jesus."

The family unit is secure - we want to keep it that way!

"Trailing clouds of glory do we come, from God, who is our home. . ."

Today marks the one year anniversary of the death of our sweet baby Jonah.  He only stayed a short time, but his time with us was very significant.

He taught us all many lessons, right from the start.

Let me begin by saying that I was concerned that possibly I wouldn't "bond" instantly with Jonah.  I feared that his condition might be such that we could not hold him or cuddle him or do anything for him.  As we waited in the hospital waiting room for the word that he'd been safely born and we could see him, our anxiety was palpable.  Then Harry came and told us he was here and that we could come in.  

As we walked down the hall, we heard his little newborn cries.  Never have cries sounded so musical.  He sounded like a newborn baby.  I felt better already.

We all took turns holding him.  When my turn came, I held the soft bundle that was this precious little boy.  A little boy who had many earthly defects, but who felt like and smelled like and was a newborn baby first - a child of God.  Of secondary import was the catalog of characteristics that weren't quite right.

Every time I come across this photo of his soft, sweet hair, I am reminded that we should first see others as they really and truly are - children of God.  Secondarily we can consider the other factors that define them.

As we often say, our sweet baby Jonah had only 11 days with us - 11 days of life . . .  a lifetime of memories. May the memories of the lessons he taught us all never fade.

In memory

I was thinking, on this Memorial Day, about people in my life who have died.  At first I was thinking there weren't that many, but as I scrolled through my photos, there were lots of faces that are no longer in my life.  Like my Uncle Steve.  So many memories from my childhood.

 

Bill and Margaret - my dad's cousins - they owned a clothing factory - and sent us the "seconds" and it felt like Christmas when the box came.

My sweet Aunt Audrey - I'd sleep over at her place to spend the weekends with Harry after we got engaged.

 

 My Uncle Harry - reclusive and a bit prickly - but a good man.

My Grandpa Stevens - a wonderful grandpa - will never forget the Christmas Day he taught me to roller skate.

 

Jim Terrill - we miss him all the time.

 

 My Grandma Stevens - a caring woman, who had the courage to change her life at a point when many would have not bothered.

My dad - at the shop - where else?  A good man who figures prominently in our lives still.

 

 Grandma Connie - what a blessing in all of our lives.  She used to say that she had to keep learning.  If you stop learning she said, you'd get old!

 Grandma Helen, Uncle Ted - not a lot of memories, but they are all the more precious.

 My Grandpa Clayton - a man who was often "larger than life" in our eyes.  And a pretty good magician too!

 Charlie Graham - his spirit is still with us!

Ronnie Horton - a one of a kind kind of guy!!

 

  

Roger Menlove - and we miss having Launa living here in Monrovia!

Grandmother Taylor - a fine woman, gracious to the end.

 

Aunt Dorothy - a favorite aunt!!

 

Uncle Paul - everyone's favorite!

 

Baby Jonah - always in our hearts!  And seeing Karla in the photo reminds me that we miss Adam and David.

 

Bamam - no photo of Budd - but we loved having the chance to know both of them.

Bill - we miss him!

There are certainly others - if I sat down and scrolled through my life, there would be many - people whose lives touched mine - who are no longer here.  

It's probably a good idea to reflect on this more often!

Thoughts about baby Jonah

Four months ago today, our sweet baby Jonah returned home to his Father in Heaven. I was asked to give a talk in the Mountain View Ward on seeking guidance from the Lord. So I talked about our family's experience with Jonah, and how we had all needed continual guidance as we navigated the days we had here with him.

The days after have required navigating also. I came across this poem a few weeks ago - I had thought about it but couldn't recall enough details to locate it. I found it somewhat serendipitously - and thought I would share it. It is by Carol Lynn Pearson.

To A Child Gone

I thought I was ahead of you in line.
You would take your turn
After I took mine,
Like we did before.

I guess you don't need new shoes
For starting heaven
Or a light left on against the dark
The way I always did.
But I'm so used to parenting
I wanted just to be there -
To do whatever needed to be done.

But you went first.
And now, my little one,
Suddenly you are my senior.
Morning, I know, will come.
But bring close your light -
This time it is I who fear the night.

"Dia de los Muertos"

I decided to drive over to the cemetery and visit Jonah's grave. Bryan L. had sent some lovely roses, so Dawn put them on the grave. When I drove into Live Oak, there was a long line of cars - I thought maybe I was behind a funeral cortege.

Instead I was in the thick of a gathering of folks ready to celebrate "Dia de los Muertos" or Day of the Dead. It's a Mexican holiday I think, and I'm not clear on all the parameters to the celebrating, but there were groups of people sitting in lawn chairs around gravesites. There were lots of flowers and balloons. It was quite festive. And everyone seemed happy, rather than sad.

I was glad that Jonah had such a lovely bouquet of colorful roses for his little spot.

And that his spot is such a lovely place.

A different sort of anniversary

It's been a week since we laid baby Jonah to rest. It seems like death is marked by all kinds of anniversaries. I'm not sure why, but I find them comforting. It is nice to put order into our lives for one thing. For another, it is a nice way to keep the memories alive, by finding a specific place for them.

I have not gone to visit the gravesite, but I want to. I guess I just need to plan it, so it will happen. Dawn says the flowers from the top of the casket still look lovely.

My friend Pam called tonight, just to talk about Jonah and what his life - and death - had meant to me and to all of us. It was comforting to go over his life - and death - with her. Every time I speak with someone about Jonah, I feel a little more "settled," if that is the right word.

Thanks to all who still want to listen.

Some thoughts

Dawn commented after dinner tonight that today marked the point where Jonah has been gone as long as he was here! Some days it seems like yesterday - other days it seems long ago.

Life goes on - the kids are excited about Halloween. Marjorie fixed a feast today - since she's leaving on Tuesday. Harry will be honored as Officer of the Year at a dinner on Thursday night. Eve has a competition on Saturday morning at Citrus College.

But we remember. Harry made a lovely slide show, accompanied by the Dixie Chicks singing Lullaby. Dawn and Harry will go select a marker for Jonah's grave. It will be nice to go and visit - it's a lovely spot.

Many of the lovely floral arrangements have withered. There are some lovely plants though, that we continue to enjoy.

Always there will be spot in my heart that only Jonah can fill. I will have to be content with the memories. And the anticipation for the reunion we will one day enjoy.

Remembrances

Throughout the days of little Jonah's life, there were many expressions of love and remembrance. Flowers, cards, calls, food, treats. Leslie sent this lovely bouquet - all the bright blues brought smiles to us all.

The group at SMCNS brought over a lovely bush that when it blooms attracts Monarch butterflies!! What a lovely thought - bright orange Monarchs reminding us about the brief life of this sweet boy.

The snow white doves at the gravesite were a nice touch - and the children especially loved them.

The "Clifton family" planted a tree in Jonah's honor through The Tree People, a group Dawn was very familiar with, so she was especially pleased.

I have learned from this experience that every expression of love and condolence is appreciated and treasured. I have often sent cards and flowers and food. Now I think I may do it a little more deliberately - knowing that it truly matters to so many.

I seem to see many things differently these days. That may be a good thing too.

Moms and other great women I know!

There has been a lot of focus these past weeks on Harry and Dawn and their excellent, loving care of Baby Jonah. Others have referred to their wonderful family in general, and that is all true. But this one photo made me think of what a great Mom Dawn is. She is truly devoted and dedicated to her children. She tries to anticipate their needs and meet them. She is meticulous about their physical care and grooming. She sits down and plays with them, thus teaching them how to entertain themselves - which they all do really well.

For the last two weeks she was focused pretty much on Jonah's care - as well she should have been. But she was always aware of each of her children and their particular needs. She was quick to help the rest of us know what we could do for them. And she was quick to reassure them and answer all of their questions. The way they are processing everything is reassuring to the rest of us. She and Harry both prepared them well for this experience in their lives.

I know lots of great moms, and I could make a list that would require a new website, but right now I want to let Dawn know that we are so grateful that she is part of our family. The best thing Harry ever did was find Dawn!!

White Doves and Darling Children

At the funeral service today for Jonah, Harry and Dawn had arranged for white doves to be released. The children each had a turn to let one go, and then the others - about 20 of them - were released. They flew off, circled back, and then headed home.

I know the guy makes money doing this. And maybe it seems contrived or commercial to some. But frankly, it was touching to see these lovely pure white birds fly off. When the first one flew off, I thought of Jonah's spirit, flying off to heaven. I know he is already there, residing once again with our Father in Heaven, but it was comforting to think about what all that means.

And I love this photo of these sweet children, who have been through so much, finding a moment of pleasure and fun in the midst of a somewhat solemn occasion.

Saying Good-bye to Baby Jonah

The last two weeks have been a roller-coaster of emotions and feelings. When baby Jonah's birth was imminent, we were afraid that we might not get to hold him or bless him if he did not live long enough. The anxiety as we waited in the waiting room was gut-wrenching.

But as we walked quickly down the hall to the delivery room, we heard the blessed cries of a newborn - and our elation seemed to know no bounds.

The hours and days following were filled with unanswered - and answered questions. Yes, you can take him home. Yes, you will have Hospice there to assist. Yes, Phoebe, Eliza, and Hannah will be able to come and hold him and kiss him.

But how long will this go on? How many times can he stop breathing before he can't go on? How long will his strong heart keep beating?

The questions are moot at this point. But the wonderful memories - even the sad memories - will always be with us - teaching us, reminding us, encouraging us.

As a parent, it was most difficult for me to see our son and his sweet wife suffer as they lovingly devoted every waking hour - giving up many sleeping hours to do so - to their small son. It was a testimony to the depth of love and devotion that we are able to summon up when called upon to do so.

Little Jonah acquitted himself admirably. He came to earth to achieve a body. He persevered. He endured. And then his mission was completed.

He returned and reported - and went on to his next assignment. His strong, sweet spirit still lingers here though - and we are assured that he knows of that love we could only shower on him for a brief time.

And we will share that love with others as a symbol of our remembering.