The Qualities of a Good Leader

(This is me with my current Stake Relief Society Presidency members - since I always like a post with a photo!)

I have actually gotten better at delegating. Years ago, I never delegated. I was a counselor to Polly Bourgeous, and she rightly taught me that I should involve others as we planned and prepared for Ward Relief Society activities.

We were having a Visiting Teaching Conference, and we were making these magnets for favors. Polly suggested several sisters who often volunteered to make things at home since they couldn't get out much. So I assembled little kits to make 10 or so each and took them around to these sisters. I gave them 3 weeks notice - and they all said they were happy to help.

The day before the conference, all but one sister had not made any - and didn't think they could!! So I was literally up all night doing a job that I could have spread out over 3 weeks. I was truly annoyed - and not very kind in my thoughts!

I was a counselor in a Relief Society Presidency once again - Connie Allsop was a champion delegator - you would have thought I would have grasped the concept. Connie gave me assignments that were sometimes tough ones. She just expected me to do them - and I did - and grew and was blessed and had some wonderful experiences. But didn't seem to learn the underlying lesson!

However, I continued to eschew delegating myself. I can do it better, faster and more reliably myself I thought. This was my mantra for many years. Even when I was working, Harry was the bishop and I was Young Women President, I still did most of the stuff myself. I was often without a complete presidency. Over the 4 years I served, I often had women in my presidency who could serve, but only in limited way. Others who served with me could be counted on to help, but sometimes I just did it myself anyway - often using the excuse that I'd left it until the last minute and it would be rude to ask someone so late like that. (One notable exception was Kacy - I turned a New Beginnings over to her - or maybe it was a Young Women in Excellence - but I did nothing on that one, she just took the ball and ran with it - and it was a great program. But then she moved!!)

I then served as a Relief Society President - and found that I simply had to delegate. And I had great counselors - Dawn was one - who were talented and almost insisted on doing more than I thought they had to. I started getting more comfortable with having others play a bigger role than I had previously allowed. (And it's really the job of a good president to train others, so I think I was finally figuring out how to do it.)

Later as a Stake Relief Society President, I found that I had these wonderful counselors and secretary - and I was going to Virginia to help when Theo was born. It was 2 weeks before the Women's Conference - and they took care of everything! The next year I had to work at the temple the night before the conference - and they set up without me and it was great!! I was finally sold on delegating.

But recently, I have had a disappointing experience with delegating. I will give no particulars, because it could get back to the some people, but I really felt like I should have done it myself.

I also have been reflecting on how hard it is to have others doing for me at home while I've been laid up - I have truly had to not let it bother me when things weren't done the way I am used to having them done.

But when I reflected some more, I saw that there were two important lessons to learn from all this: if you don't let others serve you, how will they know the joy of service? Someone has to be served!

And there really is more than one right way to do everything!

Robert W. Clayton: 11/7/16 - 5/12/2000

This is how some of you remember my dad,

and maybe some of you remember his like this.

I remember him like this.

Finally, many of your memories probably look like this.


However you remember him, remember that he was the best dad ever - not perfect, but trying to do the job the best way he knew how!!

Recipe for a Happy Mother's Day

Get the men together to fix and clean up the meal. (Even is one of them insists on clowning for the photo op - guess who???)

Let the moms sit and take it easy!

Have plenty of dessert for the kids to choose from!

Thanks one and all for a fun day! (Tasty too!)

Just a little visual check for similarities:

Miss Ida today - as in now, not years past:


Doesn't this shot below of Eliza remind you of Ida? It does to me. Just noting.

Learning to take it easy

Well, looks like I've always known how to take it easy!! And the last 3 weeks have been instructive indeed as I have really done very little that was strenuous. I confess that in the days leading up to my surgery, I did run around shopping, doing my visiting teaching, sewing aprons and doing laundry and odd jobs, but since then, I've really let others "do the walking" if you follow my drift.

But "the party's over" and "it's time to call it a day" as they say in the song. I do feel very rested - and part of the requirements for my going back to work is that I have a slot of time in the middle of the day to put my feet up, ice my knees and rest. The key will be to see if my ankles stay thin!

It has not been hard to tell myself to let something go - hope I remember that lesson. I went to my classroom today to enter my grades into the computer. I was tempted to sit there and check my email and get that cleaned up - but I decided the emails have been there awhile already - what's a few more days? (My subs have done a good job and the room looked great. I suspect I will be needing to spend time getting some kids back on track - but I can sit and do that!)

I have caught up on correspondence, bill paying and sorting and filing - things you can do sitting down. And I've gone through a lot of books I said I wanted to get read. I've enjoyed visiting on the phone with Leslie and Alice - and enjoyed spending a weekend with Mom, Donna and Mary. And I even joined Twitter - ostensibly to follow Hannah and Robbie on their trip - but I don't quite "get" Twitter, so I'm not sure how much I will do with it.

Dad and I have enjoyed playing "This is how it will be when we retire" - except I suspect retirement will be much busier!

Let's see what I post next Monday night!!

Family Furniture Follies??

Dad - and others in the family - are fond of poking fun at some of my furniture purchases. Starting with the cedar chest I bought on LayAway at the then antique store on Foothill where Dr. Demotor is now - and that one is most remembered for the way I picked it up in the van - and knocked over a post or something when I went forward too far - but I know that Phoebe still enjoys it - and finds it useful for storage!! - to my latest purchase at Marshall's yesterday, but I want to defend my choices!

Dad and others might not even notice these items, but I usually have to have them carry then into the house for me. Over the years I've bought a number of antiques - mostly from Kaleidescope - that I actually have a fondness for still - and I believe they are still functional. The above blanket chest - which was scoffed at, I know - holds my table cloths - and in close proximity to the tables in our house too!! How much more functional can you get?

We hauled this home from Oregon last year - I got a good deal on it at the Joann's in Lake Oswego - and Dad was muttering the whole time he loaded it into the truck. But as you can see, it is very functional in my sewing/computer/laundry room. It's best feature is that it folds down, so it doesn't always take up a lot of space - except when you need a lot of space!

I should have spread out a pattern and some fabric on it - that is when it is most useful - and the height is perfect - I can sit and work to save my knees and there is no strain on my back!

So Dad said little when I had him carry this footstool in from the trunk of my car - I am tired of always having to rig something up on the couches in the house so that I can sit and elevate my legs - after I convince him that we do need a classy ottoman, we can get something that costs more - because I'm pretty sure a classy ottoman won't be cheap - until then, this set up is portable and very useful - albeit a little tacky looking. It can be hidden too! (I actually want one of those that doubles as storage - like I said, it's all part of a plan.)

I wonder if I will ever convince him that we could use a coffee table??

Signs to live by

These signs are posted all around the new library. Seems fitting for spring and new growth.

Which the new library certainly represents.

After spending the last 2 or 3 weeks reading, reading, reading, I am looking forward to enjoying the new library this summer - browsing around especially - finding new discoveries.

I am just ready to get back out in the world.

We'll see what the doc orders on Wednesday.

Never thought I'd see the day when I got tired of resting and taking it easy!

I have far too much time on my hands!!

I need to get off the couch and back into my classroom - as soon as the doctor releases me back to work that is - because I have run out of books to read, movies to watch, people to talk to on the phone or in person - and I'm left with blogging! (In all fairness, I was at the computer paying bills - trying to be useful!!)

It is one of my niece's birthday today, so I was searching for an old photo of her - and came across this shot of Sam and Ara in 1998. I believe it was at the Terrill's Annual Ides of March Party.

I've always liked this shot - not sure why - just a couple of cute kids loving the piano. Ara plays pretty well now - don't know about Sam!

We loved having the Faulconer's in our ward - we still miss them.

"Play it again Sam!"

The Farmer in the Dell!

Noah has been working hard on his new garden.

And Dad has been working with him - and they have both worked on the garden in our yard.

Plan on some tasty salads this summer!

And notice Noah's new 'do!

My very own 6th grade class photo!!

They may not have had the photos from my era at the reunion, but my trusty classmate Kathy sent me one.

Ah, the memories!

Thank heavens for the mailman!

I was about to positively expire for want of something to read. I have truly exhausted my stacks - there are indeed books in this house that I have not read and that I truly want to at least consider, but I haven't found a compelling one for several days!!

So I printed off a mass of material about "Bernice Bobs Her Hair" and "The Diamond as Big as the Ritz" for the book group tonight and thought I'd stretch out and read those.

And they will make good reading - but the mailman came - with a new magazine - thanks Ara for getting me back into the drill of magazines coming to the house with your subscription drive - and also another Maisie Dobbs novel I'd ordered on Amazon - and it came from Powells - gave me a little pang there Phoebe!

So I'm set until Dad gets home - and then we are going to the show - downtown you know, downtown Monrovia - where we can sit with the other seniors and enjoy our daytime discount!!

More "Where's the Clayton?"

Find Bobby!

And then find Bill!

This Clayton is a female - and she's sure that her mother fixed her hair in this abominable fashion just to torment her. (But in fact, she probably begged her mother to do it!!)

There is no Clayton in this shot, but the teacher is Mr. Dood - no fooling, that was really his name - and I had the biggest crush on him.

No Clayton here either - bu the female teacher is Mrs. Stellman - my 5th grade teacher - who played the piano and sang with us every day - taught me songs I can still sing today when someone will let me! And she was left-handed and it intrigued me to watch her write on the blackboard. She looks so much smaller than I remember her!

There's a Clayton boy on the back row!

Are you having fun yet??

Happy Birthday Granada Elementary School

Where's the Clayton in this shot? (hint: it's either Charles, Mary, Richard, Bill, Bobby, Leslie, Donna or David!)

Find the Clayton!

Find the Clayton here too!

How are you doing at finding the Clayton??

Harry was working at the temple, so I spent the weekend at Mom's. It was a nice break - good home cooking and great company. Friday night we vegged out in front of the T.V. and overdosed on Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers.

Saturday a.m. Mary, Donna and I went to the Granada School 80th b-day party. It was mostly a carnival type fundraiser event I think, and I was initially disappointed. But then we hunkered down in the auditorium - a place that has not changed in the 52 years since I'd last been there - and started plowing through some photo albums there. They were the kind that school photographers give to the schools after they've come to take school pics of kids and they started in fall of 1959, so there were not any of me or my friends, but Mary, Donna and I set to work finding shots of everyone from Charlie on down.

And my old friend Marguerite Hardin showed up - and Sharon McKinney! These are women with whom I went from K through 12th grade!! And the local reporter interviewed us for her newspaper - when we hit the big time, we'll send you a copy!

Also, there was a presentation by the man who wrote the book on the history of Granada Hills - Jim Hier - and it was pretty interesting. I have bought the book, but he had material that had come to him since the publication. Some trips down Memory Lane are well worth taking.

Bill and Alyssa were at Mom's Friday night.

The auditorium at Granada Elementary - the only change was that it sure seemed a lot smaller than I remembered it!

Some classy alums!

Me, Sharon, and Marguerite.

Home of the Grizzlies!! (there was not mascot when we were there!)

I will post a few pages a day of the photo spreads we copied. For your guessing pleasure!

Happy Birthday Marguerite!

Marguerite Hardin was my best friend in school. She moved away in junior high - and I took a bus ride to Chico by myself the next summer to visit her - a real high point in the life of a somewhat homebound teen.

We were in and out of touch over the years - she moved back to GH for a year in high school. And she was an attendant at my wedding reception. When we moved back to CA in 1979, we hooked up again some time in the 80's - and we went to visit. And I've called a few times and we've emailed and it's still a once in a while kind of relationship.

But whenever I do call or see her, it's right back where we started - like all good friendships. I may have to email her to check this out!! In the photo with me is Harry and Phoebe - the man in back is David Krause - one of the few people I would allow to call me Babs - his sister was named Barbara and he called her Babs, so that seemed logical. And Marguerite is holding her son.

Have a great day old friend! (Ha, ha, you are older than me today!!)

Happy Birthday MarDel

MarDel is the girl in black and white - sort of making a face at the camera. Alice and I and Patte N. lived together just before Harry and I got married.

I grew up in the church with Mar Del. Her dad was the first president of what is now Cal State Northridge. He was also on the High Council, and sometimes I was invited to their home for dinner after Sunday School - that's back when Sacrament meeting was in the late afternoon or evening and Sunday School was in the morning. Then we'd go to the ward where he was speaking - he was an excellent speaker.

MarDel and I don't communicate a whole lot - but when we do, we start off just where we left off - I love it - it's the mark of a true friend.

Have a great day Mar Del - I'm pretty sure she's not a blog reader - so maybe I will send her link - while I'm recuperating!!

A view from the couch!!

When I glance over towards the fireplace, I see - and smell - the lovely bouquet from Margaret.

When I glance at the dining room table, I see the beautiful hydrangea - I love hydrangeas - can I just say, like Bonny would, that they bring me joy!!??

This is my vantage point - except in the a.m. I face the other way, so that the sun - which grows more powerful each hour - won't be in my eyes.

And I get really, really excited to glance down at my truly skinny ankles - I don't think they've been this skinny for a very long time. Maybe some of you have never even seen me with skinny ankles!

The orangey cast comes from the betadyne they painted all over me - I only get sponge baths so far, so it's still there.

Wednesday is the big day for removing the sutures!!

Diary of an Invalid (of the temporary sort that is!!)

I have indeed been well cared for during my convalescence. Starting with a funny card from Jan Marlia on Thursday, a loaf of pound cake from Bonnie C., and flowers from Karl on Wednesday, I have been remembered with many loving and thoughtful gestures.

Probably the most important and most essential was the lovely blessing from Dad and Harry on Thursday night. I truly felt at peace - even when every person I encountered at the surgical center Friday morning - except my doctor - said, "You are having both knees done today?"

When we got home from the surgical center, there was a beautiful hydrangea and a lovely card (see above) from Heather M. Later, while I was "sleeping it off" the Kellys brought by a loaf of warm Hawaiian bread. Kathy K. sent Gerbera daisies in a colorful pot, and Dad fielded numerous calls expressing love and concern for my welfare. (I walked into the house on my own power - not long distances for sure - but on my own power - with the help of Dad's arms and various walls and chair backs!)

That evening, my faithful visiting teacher Brooke brought over a wonderful meal - I need the recipe! And even though I didn't sleep very well that night - once again pain meds failed to relieve any pain - and only produced dizziness and nausea - I woke up feeling better than I had felt the day before. Ice packs and Advil seem to be the most helpful.

Saturday produced visits from Marcie and Arlene B. Marcie brought dinner and Arlene brought daffodils!! The dinner was yummy and satisfying and the flowers were enchanting!! ("And then my heart with rapture fills, and dances with the daffodils")

Harry F. brought the children by, and Eve played Girl Friday for me - she is such a helper! I read all day long - check the book blog for my progress through a number of novels. Dad and I also enjoyed browsing through YouTube for clips by Marian Andersen and Susan Boyle. Good stuff. There were more calls, cards and emails. A special card from my old roomie Joy brought a smile to my face.

Saturday night I slept well - awoke refreshed and feeling like I could handle it while Dad went off to church - taking Heather's lovely hydrangea to put on the organ. I read the LA Times cover to cover - but the LA Times is pretty meager these days, so that's not saying much. It was a change anyway! Finished one novel - blogged on the book blog - and started another book.

Dad came back from church and brought me a nice card from Kara M. and the greetings of many from our great ward family.

Mary Jane Card brought chocolate dipped strawberries and stayed for a nice long visit - we had lots to talk about since she had knee surgery last summer - she was a fount of information!! (And didn't question my doing both knees at the same time!!) J.J. came by with a beautiful bouquet of lilies and lysanthus from Margaret.

Enjoyed wishing Eliza a happy day and chatted for awhile - always fun! She'd had a good day - even without us and Boston!

Dawn did dinner for us - they came by later with lemon pie for dessert. The Cornwalls came by with some caramel bars of some sort - mighty tasty too!! We enjoyed a visit and Sue's report on the opera Thursday night - she, Sarah and Rene used our tickets. Looks like they went to a good home!

The day ended with a visit from Brenda C. - the R.S. Pres - and then Dad and I watched the Hallmark Hall of Fame show about Irenka Spendler - it was well done - sobering but insightful.

I went to bed optimistic that it would be another good night's sleep - but I awoke at 2:30 and couldn't get back to sleep. The ice packs were warm and so I went into the living room to read - thought I might fall asleep - but the mystery I was reading got compelling - so I finished it - and finally fell asleep around 5!!

Had some weird dreams- dreamed I'd taken the wrong road leaving Bonny's and had driven into the ocean - but was able to drive the car back to the beach when I realized my error!! We were actually floating in the water. Strange!! I had Ida and Porter in the car and we ended up in a shabby beach house that seemed to belong to us. And some tenants came to stay in it - then I woke up!! Thank heavens!

I awoke this a.m.to the sounds of the Boston Marathon - Dad was rooting for the American male - who came in third - but that is impressive - first time an American placed in the top three since 1985. The American female came in third too. He was pretty engrossed for a tme.

I enjoyed a nice visit from our friend Dana and had fun checking my email and the blogs. Dad is off home teaching, so I'm going to hit the pillows again - and see if the new novel either keeps me awake or puts me to sleep. Elizabeth G. is bringing dinner - and maybe for FHE Dad will let me win at Quiddler or Phase 10!

And you should see my skinny ankles.!

Just want to say . . .

This photo has little to do with the post - but I always look for some pic to post.

This is 1973 - in Phoenix AZ - we'd gone to Arizona for Charley and Jeannette's wedding. Stopped to see our good friends the Jensens. And I am wearing an apron - made by my mom. I had several of these - well, three of them - blue, red, and green - and they'd started out as mini-dresses for Donna and Leslie I think!! I actually wish I'd kept them - but I may have worn them out.

But I digress - as I am wont to do. I wanted to note that I had indeed finished the last of my Blog Handmade Giveaways - and they are packaged for mailing in the a.m.

Just FYI for any of you slackers who haven't done yours!! (j/k) I said my goal was April 1st - April 15th isn't too far off the mark!

I get labels in packs of twenty - and the empties in my sewing draw show that I've made over 80 aprons so far - I should have kept better track. I'm not sure why I should have - but you might have been impressed with the sheer volume of my efforts if I had exact numbers.

It's a good thing I enjoy making these.

Calling All Mothers and Daughters

I don't think everyone reads our book blog, so I decided this was an important one that I wanted you all to know about. There's a funny story here - especially since the book is about communication - that I will tell on myself.

Harry bought this book for me - he'd heard Diane Rehm interviewing the author and thought I'd enjoy reading and discussing it with our daughters. Sounded like a good idea to me - this was about 2 or 3 years ago - so I added it to my stack of books.

Then I saw the same book in a store a few months ago - and bought it - when I brought it home, Harry said, "I already bought that book for you. Did you lend it out and can't remember who you gave it to?" Boy, did I feel foolish - and forgetful!!

So I finally got around to reading it this week, and said, while reclining on the couch, "This is a pretty good book. I'm not sure where I got it or who recommended it, but I should have the girls read it with me." And Harry said, "Don't you remember that's why I got it for you in the first place?"

I am really losing it!! I need to start keeping track - actually I have about a gazillion book journals - they are all so fetching, that I don't just keep one - I keep starting another one. I've even tried a personal library system. Somehow though, I just seem to read books and put them back on the shelf.

But I digress. However I ended up with this book, it is a good read - and my girls do need to read it so we can discuss it - and maybe my sisters should read it too.

Anyway, I have two copies - one is relatively small and paperback - I think I should send it to Hannah to read on the plane to France. And when she gets home, she can give it to Eliza. And I will give the hardback to Phoebe when I go up there and when we go in August for the Hood to Coast, I can get it back for Bonny.

Sound like a plan? Or give me your plan.

Let me give you a snippet that touched me, from a chapter entitled, "Blending Intimacy and Independence: New Ways of Talking"

"As my mother grew progressively weaker from lung disease, I visited her and my father more and more often. The weaker she got, the more time I spent helping her, caring for her. One afternoon, during a visit, I lay down on the couch to take a brief nap. Before succumbing to the plunge into sleep, I felt a movement at my legs. Briefly opening my eyes, I saw my mother, one hand on her cane, the other carrying a small blanket she had brought from the foot of her bed. Still gripping her cane, she used the other hand to spread the blanket over my legs. I can't tell this story with out tearing up. It is one of my most precious memories from the last years of my mother's life."

And this passage from the beginning of the book sums up what I think it is all about,

"Because talk plays such an enormous role in women's lives, understanding how conversation can lead to frustration and finding ways to improve conversations is key to more satisfying, less frustrating relationshipips between adult daughters and mothers. Our deepest wish is to be understood and approved of by our mothers and our daughters. We can get closer to that goal by listening to the ways we talk to each other, and by learning to talk to each other in new ways."

Are we ready for a Group Read??

My Own Easter Bunny

I don't really think of Dad as the master of grandiose gestures. He is thoughtful and considerate and often has ideas - great ideas - for the perfect gift. But he usually reports that he couldn't find it!
(Owing to his personality type, he usually goes looking sort of last-minute!)

But the other night he had a meeting to attend. And he was apparently worried that I wouldn't have the stamina or energy to fix my own dinner. (I assured him I could, but I have been limping and gimping about a lot these days - any bystander would be concerned. In fact, at church Sunday I had left after Sacrament meeting to take some newsletters over to the Stake Center. When I got back, I was getting my purse out of the back seat. Just then a sharp pain hit - the pain is constant - gets sharp now and again. And Brother Larsen, who happened to be in the parking lot, hustled over and said, "Do you need some help?" I guess I was vocal!)

After Dad left, I went into the kitchen and he had indeed left a meal for me!! And in spite of what might look spare to the casual observer, it was quite satisfying. (There was soup in the pan and salad in the plastic container.) I smiled when I saw it. And I had the stamina to find my own dessert!

And Saturday night, he stayed up and dyed eggs for me - quite artistic eggs actually. And I smiled when I saw them too.

We make a good pair!