Having Babies - And All That Entails!

We were in SLC this Saturday for Aunt Virginia's funeral. As we visited with her children, especially her daughter Susan and her daughters Julie and Stacy, I was reminded of my baby shower before Bonny was born.

My good friend and old roommate Joy was the hostess, and Susan and Virginia came for the occasion. (Harry had rented a room from Virginia before we were married, so we had gotten to know her better - and her children also.)

Joy and I in September of 1970 at the baby shower for me.

Susan had given birth to her first child just 3 months earlier, and she seemed to spend most of the evening regaling everyone with all the horrific details of her recent birth experience. I know that there were other women there who had given birth before, but I don't remember them even contradicting Susan. If they did, maybe I didn't hear them!!

Susan wasn't obnoxious. She was actually somewhat humorous in her delivery. (Pardon the pun!!)
You really have to know her, but it was vintage Susan - at least I see that now. But I was somewhat unnerved by the information she was presenting. I had grown up around babies, as the oldest of 12 I had seen pregnancy, birth, and nursing first hand. But my mom didn't "discuss it," she just did things a certain way and I assumed that was the way it was for everyone.

I didn't have a horrible experience, but it was not exactly what I was expecting. (Pardon this pun too!) I mostly think I could have been better prepared. Frances had given me a book about the Lamaze method, and I read it avidly. However, without others who were buying into that process, it didn't do me much good that first time. Th second time I gave birth, I was able to have a better experience because I knew what to ask for.

I also was not given any pain meds - so I guess I had a "natural birth." However, just because you don't have pain meds, it doesn't mean you had a natural birth! Back then - and you realize I'm practically talking about the dark ages - and they probably had better experiences in the dark ages because women supported one another totally in the birth process - the "drug" of choice was a cervical block. But a cervical block couldn't be given until you had reached a certain point in the dilation process. I was not even close to that point. When I finally got close, it was too late because I dilated all at once apparently. So no meds for me.

With subsequent births, I wasn't even particularly offered anything - probably because I was a slow dilater every time - with a fast final dilation "all at once." With Eliza and Hannah's births I finally experienced a sense of control and participation in the birth process. That certainly helped make Noah's birth - though a slow, tedious labor - not nearly as wearing as it might have been had I not known what was going on.

A baby shower for me in November of 1970, after Bonny was born. I'm the one in the floral dress next to the very blonde woman - who was my visiting teaching companion, by the way!!

I have often thought that it's too bad women get into "camps" about issues relating to birth and feeding and toileting and sleeping and all the other aspects of life with children - getting them here and getting them where we want them to be. I'm not sure why this has to be.

And we certainly shouldn't scare one another!

And scaring doesn't just mean telling horror stories!